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sexually harrassment and verbally abused - Carers UK Forum

sexually harrassment and verbally abused

A place for black, Asian and minority ethnic carers to discuss their specific experiences of caring
First time to be a carer, I never known what I will be facing. I was arranged to shadow two days, then all on my own. That's not a problem. I understand the resources was never enough. I also accepted the job nature where lots of people find its disgusting. On my first few call, I need to go to a retirement flat to wash an 86 years old gentlemen. I undress him in the toilet and wash him. As the instruction, I asked if the gentlemen need my help to clean the private area, all of the sudden he was very excited. After the shower, I dried him, while he was still naked, he hug me and kiss me in my cheek. I was frozen but I cannot push him otherwise I would hurt him. I am sure this gentlemen are conscious of what he is doing because the conversation are quite sensible. After that, very lucky he wasn't in my call anymore.

After being a carer for a couple of months, there was one gentlemen in 90's that I have been there 2 times already. The first time I was shadowed by an experience carer. He has the catheter and the task is to shower him. After the shower, he requested me to put the sheet into his penis. As I am a carer I followed what he asked me to do and all of the sudden he hug me and kiss me in my cheek while he was naked and he giggling. I was frozen and just quickly finish the job and gone. After that, one of the male carer said to me that gentlemen is able to put the sheet my himself, and the way that my male workmate look at me that I realize that 90's year old gentlemen taking advantage of me.

Recently, I had a 96 year old big fat gentlemen for more than 6 months. The first time I've been there, he was with his ill-health wife, my task is to shower him and change his pad. Every morning, I had to pull him up, but he tried to pull me into his bed. He squeeze my hand unnecessarily, he head and his shoulder have no sign of lifting up and I felt the only force towards him and his bed. He had limited ability to stand up for sure, but once he stand up he can walk smooth and slowly. When I first in there, I assume this people needs all my help so I do everything for him. Washed his face and whole body, but once cleaning his bottom, he made lots of sexual noise similar like when he having sex. When I lay him on the bed, his hand will always on my private part. I wasn't sure that whether he is conscious of what he is doing. Because sometime he talk something doesn't make sense e.g he thought he is on a ship...etc or "don't remember", "don't know....." After several months, his behaviour become more and more obvious, with his facial expression as well. I also notice if I change him in front of his wife, he would not be that obvious. The family member had requested us to change him in bedroom to give hime privacy, but that's when no witnesses at all, he started to try again. One call in the morning, I showered him as usual, dried him and dressed him. Sit him in the bed, while I was doing his button, his both hand stroke my both thigh for at least 30 sec then he grasp my both thighs, then I feel a very strong force pulling me towards him, and the force was so strong that I almost fell into him, as I was rushing to get things done, I asked him "What are you doing??" He stopped, but after I quickly finished dressing him which is quite a challenge, as he is 3 times bigger than me and 5 times heavier than me, he starring on the floor, smiled in a way I feel very sick, he asked " will you come to wash my penis tomorrow?" I said " you are not on my schedule tomorrow, that will be another carer". Since then everytime I have to be there, I am extremely cautious, as he is so strong to pull me towards him, I now understand he is so capable to pull himself up, but he pretended and try to pull me into his bed, he is well aware things, but he pretended he is not and keep saying that he can't remember. His family believes that he is not aware of thing and not capable, but I saw the truth while he sexually assaulted me. I mention to manager but the manger thought that this gentlemen is only try to find balance that's why he touching me, and I was told I am not allowed to tell the family nor mention to anyone. However I discuss with 1 other carer and she experience some but not as severe as me, she also told me that gentlemen keep asking where am I as he want me to rub his front. As I was sexually assaulted in my childhood for several years by one of my family member, the way this 96's gentlemen did exactly the same and is bring out all the hidden memory where I thought I can forget it forever but is not. Those memory flash in the middle of the night mixing up with the unwanted childhood memory and the new unpleasant memory. After I have report him, every time I was sent to there, I was so sensitive where his hand goes if I have to carry him, pull him up change him wash him. He sometimes would direct to my boos and I jumped, sometimes he open his both hand want hug. After lots of battles, recently the admin did respect me and asked me if I want to do him, I make it clear and said no, his ill heath wife needs care, so I will only do his wife, however, everytime I was there, the way that he look at me I still feel very sick.

Another call I had, it was a women. It was normal in the first few visit. One day, she keeps saying to me that she poo his pad, so I clean her bottom and change pad. She then keep ask me to clean her bottom, I told her that is cleaned already, I check again and is cleaned. As she was screaming, to satisfy her I use the baby wipe do it again. She then keep saying " more, more, harder, harder!!" I started to feel a bit weird, there is nothing more to clean, then she giggling, and I realize that she want me to masturbate her. Very luckily, I haven't had her anymore.

There was one call I had, to provide care for a old lady, the old lady didn't give me the trouble, but the family member is a racist. Everytime I been there, her son will shouted at me. Say I am late however I am not, say I am early however only early for 2 minutes. He then shouted at me, asking me question but he then raise his voice while I am answering then he called me chinky( I am east asian), he chucked me out of the house and said he phone the manager up to sack me. This was the first ever time that I was facing someone brutally treat me like that and I have 100% respect of nurses who need to face the criminal drunk and drug people. The manager did not rang me up perhaps every one know that he is a racist. But I make a statement told the manager what happen on the night, the manager did not arrange me to be there anymore and whether they told him they sack me or other reason.

I am here to share all the dilemma that being a carer what you will be facing. Although I did make some good friend with some elderly, where they treat me as a friend rather than a carer, I am very appreciated and I will do everything for them. Some unexpected sexually assaulted and verbally abused will be in the job nature as well. You will be discriminated sometimes, working 16 hours a day with no break, there also will not have enough time to cook, eat, shower and sleep as the last visit and the next morning visit will be less than 8 hours. I want to let people know being a carer is never that easy and think before to join.
Eva,

I am sorry you have had such a negative experience of caring, however, this forum is for those who care for family members or friends.

I suggest you report any further incidents to your manager straight away.

Melly1
Unfortunately I have already report a couple of times, however things don't get much changes