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Carers UK Forum • Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home
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Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2020 3:39 pm
by Denis_1610
I have a mother in a care home, and currently visiting is extremely restricted. There are plans to make garden visits more available (while warm weather last) and in the longer term to provide an indoor isolated room, but these things take time and money to implement. If you have a relative in a similar position you may be interested in this petition.

http://chng.it/YhmFKhtcVW

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 7:58 pm
by Penny
I will sign it Denis.

same at my Mum’s home. She has been very poorly since last Tues and the doctor has been in twice and the nurse once. I have not been allowed to visit. I went about 5 months without seeing her at all. She cried her eyes out if we facetimed and didn’t understand it. Now we are allowed to visit once a week for 20 mins at a pre arranged time and not in the main building.

She has deteriorated mentally so much since lockdown and now she is declining physically.

I hate all of this.

Matt Hancock changed the rules about 6 weeks ago and decisions about visiting is apparently down to local area and individual homes.

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Fri Sep 11, 2020 8:23 am
by Denis_1610
Thanks, Penny for your response. There are many similarities. I have not seen Mum since January. She is up north and visiting her means leaving alone my wife whom I care for. My sister lives near my mum and has unable to visit till recently, but now it is bookable 20-minute slots, either in the garden or through a window - far from satisfactory. People with dementia need the mental stimulation of visits and personal contact. I am trying to work out a way I can make a visit this autumn.

The Government guidelines on care homes have been too vague and the policy of most care homes seems to be one of avoid Covid 19 infection entering the homes at all costs - understandable but not of comfort to the residents. Let's hope the petition reaches the 100 000 mark and the Government sorts out something more definite.

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:09 am
by Pinkie3
My husband died in lockdown. He was in a home. I didn't see him for 3 months. Suddenly they realised he was at end of life and asked me to go. My final visits with him were very limited and desperately sad. I can't believe he is gone. I am angry they didn't call me sooner. It's too late for me and him now.

Coronavirus will be here for a long time time, and I understand homes are scared about infection getting in. It just feels like we were robbed of that time at the end of his life when we should have been together. Homes have got to sort out better visiting arrangements for other peoples sake.

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2020 8:04 am
by Paula_1807
In Worcester care homes are now locked down agian and no visitors allowed.....

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2020 10:07 am
by Pet66
Pinkle3
I'm so sad to hear that you have recently lost your husband. I too lost my lovely husband, not during lockdown, but he was in a nursing home,( died in hospital). I understand your despair. However, you are not to blame, you did your very best for your husband, and in time you will be able to reconcile yourself with that. Took me a while, but I now know I couldn't have done anymore for him. Much loved, much missed, but our happier times come into my mind much more now. At one point I never thought they would. I hope your happier times will comfort you.

Re: Visiting Mum (or other relative) in care home

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2020 7:05 pm
by bowlingbun
Pinkie, when I was just 54 I was widowed suddenly. I found an online forum called "Way Up". I would urge you to join, to help you through the dark days, and make new friends.