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Living with an elderly parent - Carers UK Forum

Living with an elderly parent

Guidance on coronavirus and a place to share concerns and support
Hello, I'm not sure where else to go with this, but its october, me and my partner live separately, and have been together a year this September just gone. Half of our relationship we havent been in contact eg hugging etc because of covid and such. Even with the idea of social bubbles, in this time he has moved house and now lives alone and we could become a bubble now, but I dont feel safe at all about it, as I live with my 87 year old dad, I am 24 and feel really distressed on all fronts with this virus. As much as I want to hug my partner and be a normal couple, as its causing us both to be depressed, I feel terrified of my dad getting this illness. I will do anuthing to keep my dad safe but my partner and friends think I'm taking it too far/ not thinking about my own mental well being. Thank you whoever reads this I am feeling very distressed and isolated right now and just want everyone to be safe. I cannot wait for this to be over. I just want to see a light at the end of this very long tunnel we are all in :( thank you again.
Samantha_20101234 wrote:
Tue Oct 20, 2020 2:24 am
I will do anuthing to keep my dad safe but my partner and friends think I'm taking it too far/ not thinking about my own mental well being.
It's people like your partner and their friends that are causing this virus to continue to spread: I'm by no means convinced that all of our governments tactics against Covid are correct, but less contact must surely mean less spread.
I feel differently, you cannot give up everything for dad. I remember being young and in love, you need the love and support of your partner. After all, paid carers go back to their families at the end of the day.
Samantha,

What does your Dad think? And what care does he require?

Do you trust your boyfriend to act responsibly when he is at work, shopping and socialising?

The answers to these questions should guide what you do.

If your Dad doesn't need hands on care, then taking proper precautions at home with very careful hygiene routines should greatly reduce risk.

If your Dad needs hands-on care, a compromise would be for you to wear PPE when helping him with personal care.

If you don't entirely trust your boyfriend to act responsibly, then personally I wouldn't have close contact with him; however if you do, then with the above precautions I would.

Also, is it possible for you to go to his house and see him there, rather than have him at yours? That's make cleaning easier.

Melly1
Even if your dad did get the virus it doesn't mean he would have to go to hospital or worse. Lots of elderly people have had the virus and survived. The main thing is to keep an eye on your dad for any changes such as a cough or high temperature etc.
My advice is to have a loving, close relationship with your boyfriend.
The Coronavirus could go on for months.
You do need to consider your mental health well being. Your boyfriend's too. He must need to be with you. Our lives have been " interupted' enough with this pandemic, please don't let it damage your relationship with your boyfriend. Considering him does not mean you are neglected your dad.
Hello Samantha

Welcome to the forum

This sounds like a difficult situation for you, its a difficult time for a lot of carers especially dealing with isolation and the restrictions that can be thrown upon us.

Have you heard of our weekly care for a cuppa sessions? We hold them weekly on a Monday, its a chance for carers to get together and talk in confidence to each other. Its a great way to connect and meet other carers. I've attached a link for you Samantha, please come and join us, you can just listen if you want on your first session or join in, its really relaxed and a very welcoming safe place to talk.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups

It might also be helpful to download our 'Looking after someone' guide from our support page and check what kind of practical help you're entitled to.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice

with best wishes
Ingrid
It's about getting a balance with caring and your own mental health.
I have juggled with this caring for my elderly husband and still wanting to meet teenage grandchildren.
They visit, keep a distance, wear masks if out in the car with me (so do I).
Your father wouldn't want you to sacrifice your happiness completely to care for him.
If your boyfriend isn't in tune with you regarding keeping safe i.e. washing hands, keeping a distance from others etc., perhaps he needs a gentle reminder of how serious the virus can be and how stressed you are.
Good luck.