help with mental health

[Lazydaisy]

One of my son's suffers from clinical depression, as well as insulin dependent diabetes. He is almost 21.

We are having a really rough time with him, and I don't know whether he has something more than clinical depression. He seems to have lost his conscience, he stays in his bedroom for at least 22 out of 24 hours,and if we try to reason with him, he says his mind has gone and he cannot remember anything, which makes it impossible to even try to reason with him. Our GP feels that it is 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, and I can't disagree, as I have no idea.Our son does nothing round the house,does not take care of himself, he is able to drive, and when I asked the GP about this, he said that I should use my parental discretion, to take the keys off him, if I felt it was necessary. As my son is 21, I believe that health wise, it should not be up to me to decide on my son's state of mind. I am not a Dr or a Psychiatrist,and I have to make decisions on behalf of my other son, who has Downs Syndrome,I do not want to pick up after this son. If he is going to be a danger on the roads, then he is unable to look after himself,so we need more support from the mental health team. My son is not abiding by the rules of our home either, last night, he was smoking in his room, after the house had closed down for the night. Nobody else in the house smokes, and as I get a bad cough and chest,which leave me ill for weeks,which he knows, then we do not want anyone to smoke.

Our son goes out one night a week with friends.

He lies constantly;not just to us, but the last time he had work experience, he lied to them, and then told us that they were the ones lying.

I feel that if he cannot abide by the rules of the house, then we will have to give him notice, as the situation is now intolerable, but I am extremely anxious about his diabetes care, as he just won't bother. I know I need to step back, but WHAT if my son has something like bipolar disorder, and his lies are being believed by the Psychiatrist?

We have been living with this for three years now, and the only support, (which is actually really good), is from the local branch of MIND.

I am desperate, at the moment, I am afraid to approach him directly, as he is so aggressive, although hasn't been violent. The only person he is never nasty to, is our son with Downs Syndrome.

I would really appreciate any help.THank you.

[fluffycat]

Hello Lazydaisy,

I just read your message - I am sorry to hear about your experience. Hope you and your family is getting support by now.

I can only imagine it must be very, very difficult and tough to see your son when some thing is going wrong with him, especially, if you are already caring the other son. Speaking to your GP is a good start - your son needs to be assessed by menatl health team which your GP can make a referral, or if it is possible you can take your son to your local mental hopspital directly when you feel your son is at risks.

From my experience, when mentally distressed people are not looking after them selves (at the early stage), family and friends can offer for a comfort talk (to be a good listening ear). It is tough and very frustrating to see them not responding to daily tasks but they are unwell - what ever happened with them, the pains are too much for them to cope so they need to self medicate which is often not appropriate for others but they are unable to worry about them selves and the world.

Keeping diary is helpful to show to the mental health professionals. Your concern is also about your son's lies - if it sounds your son is telling the true (but lies), again, keeping records to back up the stories will be helpful. There are some none sense appear with mentally ill people so Psychiatrist would not be tricked. But if your son believes his stories are true then his doctor can look into the matter further.

Take care

[Lazydaisy]

THank you. A few days after I wrote that, I phoned the Carers Assessment team in tears. I was about ready to walk out. Since then, I have been contacted on a virtually daily basis by all sorts of people, one who has even refused to come out prior to this.

My son has been considered homeless, due to the difficulties at home, and is going into a hostel on Monday. He also has the possibility of work. The Psychiatrist has still not contacted me, although she has suggested family therapy to my son. My son will still come home each evening for a meal, so that I know he is coping alright,and he is now having support to manage his finances.

I still feel so angry that it was not until I was at breaking point that we have been offered support. It should be available and easily accessible. It has been very hit and miss where I have fouind out information, and I think if I had not had support through a few PM's on this site, I would have walked. It is only realising that others have suffered too, and have really had to struggle to get help, that has kept me at home.

One of my husbands aunts has talked to my son, also, over the phone, and offered him the chance to go there on holiday for a few days if he wants. I do think he needed that, someone to be on "his side", listening to him, and not getting upset or angry, and that has helped too.

Last night, with the knowledge that my son will be supported in the hostel, I slept better than I have for about four years. He seems happier too, doesn't get paranoid that we hate him. I don't know how he will cope with the rules of the hosteal, they have to be in by 11pm, and they are not allowed to smoke in their rooms,(one of the problems I have had here), so it may help him realise that rules are in place for a reason.

The Mental Health Team still believe it is six of one and half a dozen of the other, but the Social Services Mental Health Team leader has offered to come out and speak to us about support. I first spoke to him and asked for urgent support on Easter Day, when my son was last rushed into hospital!

Thank you for your advice and support.