I'm new! Caring for my disabled partner

[Tracy amanda]

hi my name is Tracy and i live in birmingham with my disabled partner and my two childern . my one child is type one diabetic since he was 4 years old . i used to live in northampton as thats where i came from . me and my partner are cousins and we fell for each other three years ago . he was married and has two children which he dont see anymore . they dont want to know him and he hasnt seen them for six years now . i was on facebook talking to freinds and he left me a message as we havent seen each other for 20 years . we got talking and phoning each other then it happened . we just clicked together . he told me that he was disabled and had skin problems and cronic prosoric arthrits . and did i know what i was taking on . i have been careing for him now for three years . its a stuggle sometimes as ido try to find time for me as looking after him and my son . i dont get alot of time for me anymore as if i do go out i get worried on leaving my partner on his own . his mum lives with us but she done her time looking after everyone in the family . i have been told by my partners OTthat i need time out for me but i dont . im getting really tierd and i dont get to have time for us anymore i try to say awake but its hard i have him moaning at me sometime then i think i carnt do anything right and he is allways on his computer or playing games on the ps3 and i just feel he dont need me nomore . i sometimes cry as i just dont know what to do to make things better i blame myself sometimes and think its me that causes the problem . i do every thing for him 24/7 . i cook /clean /go shopping /do the washing and now the house needs decorating and no one in the family wants to help so its left down to me to do it . i hope that there is someone out there who will have anwsers for me i i just dont know where to turn to !!!
i hope you can help in some way .
tracy

[Brindleboy123]

Hi there Tracy. You certainly seem to have your hands full. I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Enjoy the forum....some lovely people here and I'm sure others will come along soon to say hello.

Bell x

[Deborah]

Hi Tracy
Welcome to the Forum, Im sure someone will come up with some ideas and advice for you.

[Robert]

Hello Tracy. Lovely to have you with us here. Thanks for introducing yourself.

Not sure if I can offer much advice. In many ways we are each of us experts in our situations and I think you understand the position you are in and the weight you carry. I wonder what advice you would offer to someone in your position ?

Sadly, the weight of caring too often falls more on one person than on others. Thats the way it often is. Unfair of course. Hard to change. Do others know how you feel ? Have you asked anyone directly for help ? Of course, you should not have to ask. Yes, coping with doing 'more than your fair share' is something that can eat you emotionally, but try not to let it. Its tough, but sometimes we must try to accept things the way they are.

Yes, people will tell you that you need a break. Some time for yourself. You need some recovery time as caring is exhausting, both physically and mentally. Or it can often be. And you need some time and 'space' for your own self, and your 'identity'. So often we can feel consumed by the role of being someone's carer and leave behind any other roles / identity. So I do think its important to find some way to nurture your sense of self. And that is very personal to each and every one of us in terms of what exactly that means in practice. As in most things in life, balance is the key..... caring for the person we love, and caring for ourself. And in some ways, the two are one and the same, not mutually exclusive.

Sounds like you are doing a great job. But a tough one Tracy. Sounds like you have reached a point where the balance is just not right. And something needs to change. You need some support. And time out. Have you ever asked for a Carer's Assessment, I wonder ?

I'm really pleased you joined us here, and even more pleased that you have realised you need some help and are wanting to think about the way ahead. Excellent. I wish you well. Plenty of support here and gentle words of encouragement.

All good wishes,

Robert

[michael parker]

Hi and welcome to the Forum.Hope you find it useful and fun.