How on earth?

[barrowgirl]

Hi All, I am married to a man who has A/S. Though I have been to the doctor with my husband in an effort to talk about the some of the problems we are facing- ie road rage etc I am unable to ever discuss the issues I face with him to the doc as when I do- the doctor say they can't talk about him due to patient confidentiality.So even though say , he isn't taking his meds and throwing microwaves around,going missing and turning up drunk and having wet himself, etc I have no one to try and help me address these issues.He isn't under the mental health team.We have no social worker.I am left to cope 24/7 .His driving is so bad I fear he will kill someone or himself, he admitted this in front of his gp and nothing was done.I wrote to the DVLA in July, and nothings been done.I just feel helpless and have no faith in the NHS. They didn't even diagnose his A/S ,I paid for him to see a top specilaist in the field as I knew there was something very wrong.

Any ideas?

many thanks
B.

[Christine Carers UK]

Hi barrowgirl

As this is your first post I've moved it here where more people are likely to see it.

Chris

[krys]

Hello there and welcome to the forum

[no1mum]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Karen

[barrowgirl]

Hello and sorry to arrive with a problem.I am 54 , my husband is 43. I had only known my hb a very short time before we wed. The longer time went on- the more apparent something was wrong. After a major crisis I called the mental health team- this was where we lived elsewhere 2 years ago.They got my hub medicated and he began seeing a psych to see what the problem was.They diagnosed re-current depression syndrome.Then they retreated. We moved here and it was left to me to figure out what the real prob was.A friend suggested maybe Aspergers.So I got hold of the best name in the biz- a doctor and psych and we saw her privately.Yes, it was A/S.

So- here we are.I have left the NHS to look after my hub and am now a carer. I love him to bits but there are problems I could use help with.Like his driving which terrifies me.I have taken him off my insurance in the hope it would deter him but no.I have spoken with him to the docs and written to the DVLA, like I said- nothing.
I would SO love to hear from another aspie wife with similar worries like the moods, the sudden agitattion,the inappropriate behaviour etc.I have a good grasp of the why's but need someone to talk to just make life a bit more easier.

many thanks
.B

[Toto]

Hi Barrowgirl
The DVLA require individuals to notify them of any medicasl conditions which may affect their ability to drive. There is a declaration form on the direct gov website.
On the website is a list of medical conditions you need to inform them of and Aspergers is one of them. Here is the link to the Aspergers page.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/Dr ... /DG_185605
If hubby will not complete the form you will just have to remind the GP of his obligations.
There is a pdf document http://www.dft.gov.uk/dvla/medical/ataglance.aspx
for medical professionals with guidance for when they are advised to inform the DVLA. It may well be that your GP doesn't know much about this, they don't know everything. Some of them don't seem to know anything at times.
See page 35 of the pdf document about patient confideniality.

Hope that's of some help to you. Hopefully someone else will be along to give some advice from an experienced point of view which I don't have I'm afraid but I wish you all the best.

[barrowgirl]

Thank you Toto.The DVLA did send a form for him to fill out and he did so.That was ages ago- then they wrote and said they'd write to his doc and now we've heard nothing.We are going back to July to when I first contacted them.I wrote today and told them if he kills someone or himself or me, it'll be their fault as they did nothing.They also know he once took the car and threatened to kill himself and anyone who got in his way.Still nothing has been done.And it won't be.I've done all I can do-alerted the doc and the DVLA.I'm just a powerless carer who can't even speak to her GP about her hub.

thanks anyways
B.

[Toto]

Sounds like they're waiting for a reply from the GP.
Have you tried phoning and speaking to the practice manager and asking them to make sure that the GP has replied to DVLA?
I would imagine she can at least look into the matter without breaching patient confidentiality.
If your hubby is agreeable he can give the GP a letter stating that when he is unwell the GP can discuss things with you.
Here's a leaflet about it.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/PDF/Carersandc ... iality.pdf

[barrowgirl]

Thank you Toto. The doc is a particularly cold older woman ,she is very unapproachable.I will look at the papaer though
B

[no1mum]

Is there another GP at your surgery who you could approach, if so it may be worth a try.

[barrowgirl]

Hi ,yes the last time I went I just ignored the "can't speak of him " rule and said it was affecting my health all this worry.This much younger doctor invited my hb to go and see her and he did.He lied through his teeth and said he was an excellent driver, that he was thinking of buying a car of his own since I had cancelled him off my insurance,and that he didn't know what the fuss was about.He did give a very good account of himself by the sound of it.He certainly left out the driving under the influence of cannabis when he can get hold of it, or being drowsy on the amount of meds he's on.He told me he assured her he didn't suffer from roag rage-although he had said that to the older frosty doctor in front of me.

I saw her after that and she said she couldn't speak of it blah blah blah.And since then, all contact from the DVLA has ceased.So for all I know, he may have convinced her that he is fine driving.I don't see how I can do much more.I will just have to keep the e mails I have sent the DVLA for any future disasters.
thanks
B.

[fluffycat]

Hello and welcome

[barrowgirl]

Thank you fluufy cat.I've done nothing but moan since I've joined sorry about that.Have had no one to talk to for 5 years then came across here !
BB.

[no1mum]

Moan away B, we're here to listen and we understand the frustrations.

Karen

[NanaNana]

Hi Barrowgirl,
We used to have the same problem with GP and surgery not discussing hubby's stuff with me. Our GP told us to write a letter, stating that hubby gave them consent to discuss all his medical things with me/test results/problems/medication everything. We both signed it AND we've done one for me too. Technically hubby can't 'sign' anything, but they turn a blind eye to that and understand totally what we're on about and so does the GP.
If I ring for results and the receptionist says, that she can't discuss hubby's results with me - I just say, oh yes you can, just look at the notes. And then they apologise and say that 'oh yes, that's fine'.
These 'letters' have been put on the computer files at the surgery and now, when I ring about results etc, which you normally have to make a GP appointment for, they tell me instead. We always have to go into the GP surgery together, when hubby has a problem, cos he can't get in by himself and the GPs never have had a problem with that.
It's the hypocratic oath not to discuss a patient's problems, but there isn't a problem with doing so, if the patient agrees for things to be shared ie the letter we wrote.
Don't know if there's a way around your situation, just saying that by writing this letter, with everyone's consent, it's been much better. And it doesn't drop your GP or the receptionists in the cart either, for discussing confidential information.