Let me introduce myself!

[greekbrit]

I have spent the past 3 years juggling work and trying to take care of my mother. I have lived in Greece for more than 30 years and right up to Christmas 2010, my mother used to come and spend 3 months with me in summer and a month at Christmas.

Her mobility issues worsened after that. She was given a care package by social services after her knee replacement operation with 3 visits a day. Since then, I have spent as much time as possible (more time than I should) coming to the UK and taking care of her with some support from her care package. More importantly, taking care of the paper work, bills, finding the best deals for her and attending to her welfare. Her condition has deteriorated drastically this year and so when I came on June 14th, I had her admitted to hospital as I could clearly see she was in tremendous pain in the groin region. X rays had shown she was fine. It turned out that she had an acute urine infection and bacteria growing on the metal of her replaced hip. This had made her septic which would explain the completely out of character behaviour that I could tell from my phone calls to her prior to my arrival.

She was released from hospital and sent for respite at a nursing home. She is going to rehab this week for physio and the procedures that are required to bring her back home.

I am waiting to see what the outcome of physio will be. Based on this, I will make my decision as to whether I will become her full-time live-in carer. Difficult decisions ahead of me.

It seems to me that the only way she can get the correct and proper health care is when I am around to oversee the situation and chase up the relevant agencies. I had notified her surgery from Greece that she probably had a urine infection on May 23. I spoke to her doctor and he assured me he would arrange a test. I made 2 follow-up calls, when this had not been done, and on June 14th when I arrived, she still hadn't been checked out. Of course, it was confirmed in the hospital, when she was admitted.

It's been very comforting reading the posts on here over the last couple of days. I am sure to need some advice and help on here, soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read. John.

[bowlingbun]

Hi John,
Firstly I'd like to say what a devoted son you are. I think you will regret moving back forever if you do it. Your mum's GP has been negligent, clearly hasn't been doing what he should have done. People with joint replacements (I have 2 knees) are told to make sure they take immediate action if they think they have any infecion. I think you should make a formal complaint and consider taking legal action - if your mum's contents insurance contains a "legal expenses" clause then that will probably pay. (Mine paid for almost £10,000 of solicitor's fees investigating medical negligence).
You don't say how old mum is, has she been struggling to do her paperwork etc. because she's been feeling too ill, or do you think that there is something else going on?

[Lucy Carers UK]

Hi John,

Welcome to the forum. Please join in anywhere, and if you have any questions, ask away - there are lots of lovely people on here who have experienced similar things and are willing to share advice / support / information.

Best wishes,
Lucy

[Brindleboy123]

Hi there John and a warm welcome to the forum from sunny Spain! The forum is certainly becoming very "global".

I actually do understand a great deal of your difficulties as I cared for Mum whilst living here in Spain and travelling back and forth every 3 weeks (often more). It certainly puts a tremendous strain on you and you know as well as I that when you are not there physically you are constantly on the phone etc etc.

It's an enormous step of course to move over and become a full time carer and one that would completely turn your life upside down, inside out and every way possible. I would personally continue to explore possibilities with social services with regards to care packages that may meet your Mums needs. Of course your regular visits will be a bonus and you will be spending quality time rather being completely stressed. Easier said than done I know!

Anyway, welcome again...there is plenty of support here waiting for you!

Bell x

[Melly1]

Just wanted to say hi John, and welcome.

Don't make any rash decisions.

Melly1

[greekbrit]

Your mum's GP has been negligent, clearly hasn't been doing what he should have done. People with joint replacements (I have 2 knees) are told to make sure they take immediate action if they think they have any infecion. I think you should make a formal complaint and consider taking legal action - if your mum's contents insurance contains a "legal expenses" clause then that will probably pay. (Mine paid for almost £10,000 of solicitor's fees investigating medical negligence).
You don't say how old mum is, has she been struggling to do her paperwork etc. because she's been feeling too ill, or do you think that there is something else going on?

Thanks for that input bowlingbun. I've never thought about taking legal action...it all seems so intimidating (right now).

My mother is 88 and she suffers from confusion. Her mother tongue is Greek...and that doesn't help. She seems to be losing her grasp of English as she ages which is why it is very important that someone is present when she has any kind of examination or assessment. Cognitive functions eg. changing TV channels has also become challenging. If you need to contact any kind of service over the phone, nowadays, you have to deal with options...all this is just too much. Even I find that challenging at times.

The problem is, that when she gets infections, the confusion becomes more acute. She loses touch with reality. Her sense of time and place goes, too. I've noticed that even since she is infection free...her concept of time has diminished. ie. She can no longer remember the day or month any more.

[greekbrit]

Hi John,

Welcome to the forum. Please join in anywhere, and if you have any questions, ask away - there are lots of lovely people on here who have experienced similar things and are willing to share advice / support / information.

Best wishes,
Lucy

Thank you Lucy! I do have many questions and will be in need of advice. Today, my mother was transferred from nursing home to rehab. This means the process of coming home has only just begun. I'm very cross that it's taken 3 weeks since her out-patient appointment with the consultant for the whole process to get started due to the delay of the social worker and the relevant procedures involved. It was on the 27th July that the consultant gave the go ahead for physio to start. I even phoned the social worker before the appointment so we could schedule an assessment immediately after her appointment. There are also financial issues related to this delay. Her financial assessment didn't even leave her enough money to pay the bills at home. It's been a real struggle....

[greekbrit]

Hi there John and a warm welcome to the forum from sunny Spain! The forum is certainly becoming very "global".
Bell x

Thank you so much Bell!

It's great to know that someone else knows what shuttling back and forth is like. I feel like I'm in "no man's land" all the time.

As I said in the above post. The process of coming home has begun. I will make sure I find the physios, occupational therapists, and new social worker to secure what I can for my mother. I've decided not to tell them I'll be living with her. Perhaps this will secure a better package of care. I'll, then, see how that works and act accordingly.

I'm thinking of starting the "direct payments" scheme. From what I understand, the money is paid into a bank account and you allocate your own carers. Hopefully it will allow some flexibility so that when I'm here fewer care hours will be required. The hours could then be increased when I'm not here. I will see what they say about this. If so, it would be ideal. Previously, with the care agency, I used to cancel the lunch and tea time calls as I was here. The agency and my mother's contributions never changed though. Social services were still paying the agency for the hours that were unnecessary.

My regards to you in Spain, Bell, and thanks for letting me know this!

[greekbrit]

Just wanted to say hi John, and welcome.

Don't make any rash decisions.

Melly1

Thanks Melly!

Will take it step by step for now. I find that just writing my ideas down here and the input from the forum is giving me greater clarity of the situation.

[Anne001]

Hi John, I just wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the Forum. Big changes for you and your mother ahead. Your mother's confusion sounds very much like my mum's. Yes, changing TV channels is a big challenge! I can only imagine what it is like trying to deal with all this from Greece. I find it difficult enough from 1 hr away ...

Just one question - I know it would have financial implications but have you considered living close to your mother, but not actually with her? I find 24 hrs a day care almost impossible; I need that breathing space to go back and try again. Also, it may even help your mother to have as much independence as possible. It is very easy to give up when there is someone else around. Good carers are also a boon if you can get them. Whatever you decide, look after yourself and get as many breaks as possible.

Take care, Anne

[greekbrit]

Just one question - I know it would have financial implications but have you considered living close to your mother, but not actually with her? I find 24 hrs a day care almost impossible; I need that breathing space to go back and try again. Also, it may even help your mother to have as much independence as possible. It is very easy to give up when there is someone else around. Good carers are also a boon if you can get them. Whatever you decide, look after yourself and get as many breaks as possible.

Take care, Anne

Thanks Anne! I will try as hard as I can to hold onto my apartment in Athens. I have my friends and life there and I will miss them terribly. I could handle 4-5 weeks care and 10-14 days break. If there's any way I could swing that then I will be very happy! The break will do both of us good. That way, my mother will appreciate me so much more and vice versa. I am looking for ways which will allow me to finance that!,

[Brindleboy123]

Thanks Anne! I will try as hard as I can to hold onto my apartment in Athens. I have my friends and life there and I will miss them terribly. I could handle 4-5 weeks care and 10-14 days break. If there's any way I could swing that then I will be very happy! The break will do both of us good. That way, my mother will appreciate me so much more and vice versa. I am looking for ways which will allow me to finance that!,

John, this was exactly the way my mums care was organised! Social services agreed to fund someone to be with Mum theoughout the night if I agreed to go over every third week and stay the week! Didn't feel like I really had much choice but from a caring point of view, it worked well. I used to give them details as far ahead as I could and two of the daily visits were cancelled while I was there.

It's not easy is it!

Bell x

[greekbrit]

Thanks Anne! I will try as hard as I can to hold onto my apartment in Athens. I have my friends and life there and I will miss them terribly. I could handle 4-5 weeks care and 10-14 days break. If there's any way I could swing that then I will be very happy! The break will do both of us good. That way, my mother will appreciate me so much more and vice versa. I am looking for ways which will allow me to finance that!,

John, this was exactly the way my mums care was organised! Social services agreed to fund someone to be with Mum theoughout the night if I agreed to go over every third week and stay the week! Didn't feel like I really had much choice but from a caring point of view, it worked well. I used to give them details as far ahead as I could and two of the daily visits were cancelled while I was there.

It's not easy is it!

Bell x

Bell! That's amazing!!! You've really made my day!

So in theory, what I'm asking for is doable. I always cancel the lunch and tea calls when I'm here anyway! As I said in an earlier post..... I'm sure the agency is receiving that money. Apparently, if you use the agency for just one call a week, they are entitled to take my Mum's contributions....and probably the full payment from the social services. They just don't pay the carers. Was this done through direct payments?

[bowlingbun]

I've never been able to work out how to do quotes, but your comments about the agency being entitled to payments if they only do one call a week sounds like a very strange idea to me, I think you should ask the LA who presumably set up the service to investigage. When I was in a similar situation with some ILF funded care, the ILF Fraud Officer became involved. In another situation, the LA told me that although they pay care providers on a direct debit style order, they do expect the care agency to tell them when the care has not been provided so that the amounts can be adjusted.

[crocus]

Hi greekbit and welcome to the forum. Hope you get it sorted, it would be hard to leave everone/thing that you know to become a full time carer.

I've never been able to work out how to do quotes

Bowlingbun - when you open the window to type in a reply, scroll down to other replies and at the top of other peoples reply you see a little oblong box with "quote in red. Click on this and that persons reply will be quoted. You can then edit out the bits you dont want to quote. Hope that helps