newbie needs love

[stephanie pietko]

hi my name is steph and i care for my partner who has hd and depression.ive been with him for 13 years and mostly just get on with it but weve just been to visit my dad who has alsimers(?)was rly destressing for me as like everyone else i have to pretend everything is ok.finally cracked today and let rip with partner feel like s~@t now and could just rly do with some one to tell me that what i do is worthwhile that im not a bad person and i wont go to hell i do have a great family and have good friends but nobody rly understands hope you can

[cabbage]

hi its nice to know someone feels the same as me , istarted caring for my mum last aug we did not know she had altzemeirs then but in dec she was told she had this, my mum did not underatand what she was being told and its been like yourself a mindfield of making sure everyone is ok.

i did move in with my mum as well last aug and i sold my house which i lived in for 17 yrs, so when i moved back it was back in my old bedroom which has been very surreal, i know i have found it hard as the last few months have made made become very angry about silly things, shouting at my husband and mum ,

i finally went to the doctor and he has put me on a stress course , we shall see if this helps, but i have had a rest me and my husband for the last two weeks, as my mum has gone in for restbite which had made me feel great, but to get my mum into the restbite was a nightmare as mum did not want to go , we had a week of arguments, mum saying i dont care about her and has caused me sleepless nights, also mum went wandering , but mu brother says she has loved the restibte so we shall see on sat if this is true as i pick my mum up.

[bowlingbun]

Dear Stephanie,
You are only human, so stop beating yourself up, say sorry to your partner, and then when you are feeling calmer sit down together with a piece of paper and think about what is troubling you most, what you can do about it, and what you need to help you - both of you. When did you last have a holiday together? Sounds to me like you have been simply "running on empty" for too long. I'm a great believer now in streamlining the house, dishwasher, washer/dryer, clothes that don't need ironing etc. Does your partner help at all? I became really ill when I did too much caring for too long, and so I'm really keen to encourage others not to fall into the same trap that I did. It's not wrong to take care of yourself and your own needs sometimes, it's absolutely essential.

[Myrtle]

Stephanie what you do IS worthwhile and you are NOT a bad person, just human
Welcome
And welcome to Cabbage

[bowlingbun]

Stephanie,
Wine might work for some but I don't drink! I have to resort to practical solutions.
It's fine to do your own list about what is troubling you and how to improve things. It can include anything you want it to, from the difficulties of going shopping - solution is to start internet shopping; to wanting to have a bath in peace; some time off to have your hair or nails done; more help with washing up - solution get a dishwasher; just anything at all which is appropriate to your own situation. You can add to it, change it, cross things off whenever you like, however in writing the list it might help you focus on the main things which you may need help with - and that is the key purpose. I keep my list in my bedside drawer and I also write a diary every night before I go to bed, which somehow draws a line under everything that's happened during the day. The list idea is not mine, it comes from a book I read. It also suggested making a list of how you spend your 24 hours now, and how you would like to spend it if you could. That too was an enormous help.

[michael parker]

Hi and welcome to the Forum.Hope you find it useful and fun.