Newbie with insomnia

[Kats]

Hi All,

I am new to the forum but have been a carer most of my life in one capacity or the other, currently "care" for my husband and have been for most of our married life.

We also have a 13 year old daughter and I currently work f/t. I have tried a combination of working hours over the past few years since long term stress from home and work has started to have an impact on my own long term health conditions. As such I changed my job and whilst I have enjoyed this approach it will shortly come to a end and I will need to apply for the role on a permenent basis or not!

It seems to me that I am struggling with f/t hours and if I work p/t we are probably financially better off on benefits. I have a real problem with that due to my profession and have resisted this for some time...however it seems more sensible to accept it these days and perhaps go down that route. It would allow me some breathing space that is for sure and do some voluntary work alongside. It will present its own stress but there will be more time!

All of my friends say you are mad, you won't get back on the ladder - what will you have of he dies. Well meaning but not really helpful...

[Kat_2011]

Hi and welcome to the forum, I haven't been caring for over a month now since i moved out, i couldnt cope with caring and would like to get back to full time work, i was more stressed when i was caring but am now really happy.
(((((((hugs))))))) hope you find a solution that works for you
Kat

[Juggler]

Hi Kats and welcome
I hope you managed to get some sleep after your early hours post!
The work/caring balancing act isn't easy is it? I have dropped to 3 days a week to support my dad who lives a distance away. Apart from part-time work issues with colleagues (esp managers!) who don't know how to use part-timers (who usually give more time than they should) I'm also feeling the career I'd built slipping away and have to deal with the emotions that come with that. This could end tomorrow or in 10 years (Dad's 92 and doing remarkably well) and then what shall I do?
I guess all we can do is live in the present - the right thing will happen in the future and it could be a complete change of direction as times will have changed and we will have changed too.
Take care
Juggler
x

[no1mum]

Hiya Kats and a warm welcome to the forum.

[Anne001]

Hi Kats, Just wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the Forum and good luck with whatever you decide to do. I work full-time too and my job comes to an end next year. Do I go on benefits and look after mum full-time? Most of my friends think I am mad to even consider it. No easy answers. Also, the job provides a sort of escape from caring but then has its own problems / stresses too. Anyway, welcome again. You will find lots of friendly folk here.

[Myrtle]

Hi Kats and welcome

[Yochana]

Hi Kat,

It's so hard trying to work f/t as well as caring. I think the impact that it can have on our own health can be a serious issue and it's so important to take care of yourself. I've been a carer pretty much my whole life too, and it really does take it's toll. Going on benefits is a hard decision and one that only you can make, it's not easy though. I really feel for you.

Please try to take care of yourself. There is a huge temptation to just keep pushing yourself and push through everything, but something I've been learning recently is that there's a limit to how long you can keep doing that for before your body just gives up on you. Especially when you're not sleeping properly. I'm a serial insomniac myself (for a couple of different reasons), and lack of sleep really doesn't help the situation!

Anyway, it's nice to meet you and I hope you don't mind me offering my thoughts!

Yochana

[Kats]

Thank you all for your warm welcome and very supportive comments. It was good to see them...in my line of work I often use the same words to others - its harder when its yourself! I have learnt to live in the now however to survive + manage a balance you have to consider the future otherwise tough decisions + stress creep up on you...been there!! Husband is completely against giving up work- I tried it sometime ago when my dtr was small, and it contributed to a huge sense of isolation and depression. I used study + retrained (as a Social Worker...yeah I know fun!) to get through. The job of my dreams is currently open to me + its one I am not likely to get another shot at. So currently listening to Husband, keeping all options open + see where I land. Thank you all...I hope to stick around on here + be able to support also. XX

[bowlingbun]

Hi Kats, I turned down a dream job soon after I completed my honours degree as a mature student, 20 years ago, because I couldn't find anyone to care for my son with SLD. I'd even been down the Ombudsman route, but there was simply no one else. Now I'm widowed, struggling to eke out my husband's life insurance money until I get my pension, rather than £30,000 that I could have been earning, but most of all I'm so frustrated at the inability to use the skills I worked so hard to acquire. I should have tried harder to combine caring with work. Try working out the biggest problems you are facing, is it the housework, after school care, leaving your husband alone more? Have you got a dishwasher, a washer/dryer, a streamlined house? Are your standards of house/cooking/cleaning just too high? Could you employ a cleaner? Does your daughter help you? Soon she will have flown the nest, your workload will have reduced, how will you feel then without a job? Only you can answer these questions to yourself, no need to share them here if you don't want to. I just wanted to share my regrets with you, so that you don't sleepwalk into a situation you might regret in future years.

[michael parker]

Hi and welcome.Difficult decision and no set answer.All you can do is think things through as best you can and make a decision based on what is best for everyone.Good luck.

[crocus]

I am caring for my husband and worked full time untill about 3 years ago. He is gradually deteriorating ansd it was becoming increasingly hard to work all those hours, so I went part time.

I am lucky that the job I do is worth keeping even at reduced hours and I have a very supportive manager. It is working quite well at the moment although I am aware that eventually I will need more time to care for him.

The advantages (apart from financial) are that it gives you a break away from home, makes you feel less socially isolated and widens your prospective, BUT you do have to be incredibly organised. Yes, go with the dishwasher etc. and someone to help with cleaning/ironing is wonderful. Also get yourself a big diary. I make a menu for the week and get in the groceries online. Having a menu and everything ready means that when you get in tired and hubby is hungry you dont get that awful what shall we have for dinner feeling. Sometimes if Im only working in the afternoon I will stick a few things in a slow cook so its all ready when I get in.

I would recommend you to keep working if you can, but I know that working too long while you are caring can also be very stressful. Its a question of getting the balance right Good luck

[Kats]

Thank you...it is a really tough decision..X

[crocus]

Hi Kats, nice to see you back again

Let us know how you get on

[Kats]

Thanks Crocus.

I have decided to take a brief sabbatical...and just see how it goes on a three month basis.xx