Practical advice in Stanmore area please

[Lian S]

Hi I'm new here. I'm looking after my elderly mother who lives nearby on her own. She is increasingly bedbound and I think the time has come for me to get some help in the form of a carer to come in for maybe an hour a day to give her something to eat and so on. My mother doesn't want a carer, it's really me that needs one, but I'm sure she'll get used to it.

I know there are various care agencies, but where to start? Does anyone have any personnal reccommendations in the Stanmore/Harrow area.

By the way, I did start with the council but all they were willing to assist with was a perching stool and grabrail.

Thanks for reading.

Lian

[poppett]

Sorry I can`t help with your particular area, however generally social services are a good place to start. Make sure you have a carers assessment from them, this will outline the help that you, as a carer require, rather than what your caree wants (not always what they need!).

Hope you get the help you require.

Take care
Meg

[susieq]

Hi Lian and welcome to the forum

Sounds like all you have had is an assessment from the Occupational Therapists rather than one from Social Services (although linked they are different departments). Social Services maybe listed on your council's website as Adult Services.

You could also try Crossroads - see here - http://www.crossroads.org.uk/index.php?mid=1&pgid=1
or your local Carers centre would be able to give you advice.

[BertieBear]

Welcome aboard Lian.
I'm in South Wales so I can't offer any advice on local agencies, but wanted to welcome you to the forum anyway. The advice given so far sounds good

[Myrtle]

Hi Liam and welcome
Sorry, I don't live in your area, but ask the ss for an assessment and a carers assessment for you too.

[Robert]

Hello Lian.....

Yes, I also would suggest you approach Social Services ( usually known as Adult Services these days ) and ask for an assessment re your mum, and also ask for a Carers Assessment for yourself. This should prevent you from being 'fast tracked' to the Occupational Therapy section alone which may have happened before. ( Social Care, Adults Tel 020-8901-2670 ). Any care that they arrange as a result will be subject to charges but a financial assessment will be carried out re your mum's affairs so charges could be less than if you went to a care agency directly, where you would obviously have to pay the going rate.

I cant recommend any particular agency in your area. Yes, your local carers group might be useful in this respect. Be useful to make contact anyway, Lian. http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice ... e-you-live

And you can search here for local care agencies....

http://www.ukhca.co.uk/findcare/

Sounds like a good time to begin to get some input.

Hope it goes well. Nice to have you with us

Robert

[Shona Chan]

Hello

Keep a week's record of all the help your mum needs every day ie help with personal care, toileting etc. - 1 hour, 4 times a day etc

Your mum's disabilities etc.
There are 2 ways I know of which you could try:

1. First go and visit your GP if possible and ask for an intermediate care team to assess your mum's needs. Make sure that you emphasis your mum's medical records remain private and only a summary of her records is made available to ther team if you are concerned about confidentiality
- this means the Community District nurse, OT, physiotherapy will get involved.

The GP will fax them a copy of that is required.

2. Or Contact your local social services [Generally I find them unhelpful]
Your mum is entitled to a lawful care assessment of her needs. This may be accessed online.

The social worker or 'community worker' will arrive and take a note of her needs. You need her consent. You should ask for all copies of documents - keep a record of everything agreed and said. They should provide you with documentation of 'care packages' so that you will know what is involved, procedures etc

- you are entitled to have info on direct payments and personal budgets so that you can arrange your own carer if required
- or if you are happy the Social worker will contract a care agency
- sometimes they make out that she will not need 1 hour long care at a time. But time what you need.

If she is happy with you to do so ask obtain her consent to arrange her care for her. This may mean a Lasting power of attorney so that it is clear what she wants. This must be registered with the Office of Public guardian to be legal.
Best to arrange this whilst she has mental capacity otherwise the Local authority will take over completely and even if you are not happy with the care, they will cut family out of the loop so that you will not be able to help her, if you disagree.

I hope this helps.

[Robert]

PS

Let us know how you get on. Take care.

Robert

[Lian S]

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply to my post.
Since I posted my Mum was admitted to A&E for overnight observation after It appeared that she may have had another small stroke, thankfully that does not appear to be the case but the 'Rapid Response Team' are following her up with a visit by a physio and short-term carer, so will see what happens. One problem is that she does not want any care and tells them that she can do everything for herself.The reality is that she is really up and down, sometimes she can do things, there again, more often she can barely lift a glass. I hope that with this short-term care she will see that it would be no bad thing to have someone visit regularly.

I know that my problems are small compared with a large number of you here, I've read some of the posts and feel humbled and also uplifted by the endurance of others.

Onwards and upwards.

Lian

[Robert]

Sorry to hear this Lian, but thanks for letting us know.

Many folk are resistant to receiving care. My mum has NVQ level six in avoiding care

Maybe see this as the ideal opportunity to get some longer term input. Explain things to the people involved right now, if you have not done so already. They will be familiar with this sort of situation, Lian.You may have to be quite assertive with your mum but you know its in her best longer term interests. Just a little bit of care input is so much easier to build upon in the future as and when required.

Hope she makes a good recovery. But hope too that she can see that she is vulnerable and that maybe you need support even if she doesn't !

Good luck with things

Robert

[Anne001]

Hello Lian, I just wanted to welcome you to the Forum. You will find many people here who have sadly gone through what you are going and are wearing the t-shirt.

Sorry that your mum was in hospital. But hopefully (fingers are crossed) she will get used to the short term care. If your mum is anything like mine (same qualifications as Robert's), you will have to resort to lies and subterfuge. I told mine, and continue to do so each time she tries to cancel them, that the carers are for my benefit, not hers. I also told her that wearing of Careline around the neck was a legal requirement when you had carers ..., ditto the key safe at the door. Oh, and we call the cleaner a home help because that seemed more palatable. I continue to argue on this and do understand why she does not want strangers in the home. She still won't let them do anything but at least they can check she is OK. Social Services is well used to this problem; one social worker told my mum that she was saving them money by living at home with carers; otherwise she would be in a home!

Good luck, anyway, and keep us posted.
Anne x

[Lian S]

Hi Robert and Anne

Looking after mothers, never easy, is it? What my mother wants is me to move in with her (I only live 5 mins down the road) and babysit her 24/7. The physical aspect of looking after her and not being able to have holidays/nights out is not so bad, what grinds me down is when she tells me she is feeling so terribly ill and wants to die, I just don't know what to do, I can't bear her apparent suffering. The irony of yesterday is that, if I hadn't been around, she would have recovered natrually and there would have been no need for A&E. I tell har that the carer is for me, but it makes no difference, oh except that she says she's going to move him/her into the house, buy them a car and give them all her money!!!

As you rightly say, I know this is nothing new!

Best

Lian

[bowlingbun]

Hi Lian,

Welcome to the forum. If Rapid Response are now involved for goodness sake do whatever you can to keep the momentum going now, it's such a golden opportunity. I think almost every mum wants her daughter to move in and care from her. Mine drops unsubtle hints but it isn't going to happen. Instead, I'm gradually wearing the roads out between hers and mine! Loads of great advice here.