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I've been a member for a long time but i haven't been on here for a few years. I care for my husband who has a lot of problems including degenerative disc disease and MS amongst others. His mobility is limited to a few yards and even then his balance is bad. He need someone with him 24 hours a day. Fortunately I have a son at home and unemployed. While it's not the life I would wish for my son I feel blessed to have him around. Without him I would struggle to leave the house at all.

I also have both sets of parents to worry about and neither of us has any siblings or cousins. My parents are the biggest worry. My mum recently had a massive heart attack and my dad is struggling with caring for her. He just turned 88 and gets very anxious. They have a carer in the morning but that's all they will allow. They live 50 miles away which makes things difficult.

I phone them often and see them when I can. They have those farm meals but are not keen and still prefer to cook themselves. I take scones and cakes when I go but they're adamant they don't want me to cook for them. My relationship with them is strained though as they have always wanted me to be cleverer, thinner, more ambitious, smarter, you name it really.

My in laws are close by but my mother in law is still very competent and I don't have to do much for them apart from the occasional shopping trip and hospital visit.

I used to work 30 hours but about a year ago everything became too much and I took some time off sick which has turned into me never going back although work still won't let me go. They're not paying me any more but I'm still employed by them.


Actually I often find my biggest problem is boredom. In the last year I have watched so much TV. My husband wants me to sit with him but as I type I have the TV on and my husband is asleep in the other chair. my son is still in bed as given his choice he is a night owl. Still, he's there if I need him and that gives me great comfort.

I've come back on here just to find people to talk to when I get that alone feeling. I'm looking forward to meeting you all.
BTW why can I not post in the Social part of the forum?
Hello Chillilover and welcome back :)

I think you'll find that there are still quite a few members around from when you last visited us :)
chillilover wrote:BTW why can I not post in the Social part of the forum?

Unfortunately we've got the gremlins in at the moment and the IT guys are having trouble tracing the problem ! For some inexplicable reason 'the forum' seems to think we're all guests and doesn't recognise us as members :shock: If you find you can't access any area (the two most common error messages are ~"you cannot read posts in this forum" and "you are not authorised to access this form" ) then try clicking on the back button or the refresh button of your browser and then try again - that's working for a lot of us at the moment :roll:
Parents can be the most stubborn people in the world!!

Is there anyone else keeping an eye on them apart from the one carer a day? Why won't they accept more? Do they have a dishwasher, tumble dryer, easy to maintain garden? I know it's tough accepting that you can't do what you used to. I'm just 65 and arthritis is beginning to affect everything, so I do understand, however I'm reducing the amount of things in my house to what I NEED, so it's easier to keep clean and tidy. Do they each have a Lifeline? Can they shop online?
I totally agree about the stubbornness. The diabetic nurse told my mum she shouldn't have bacon or sausages so guess what she had for dinner the following two days.

They actually live in a very easy to maintain bungalow and have a cleaner who comes once a week. She's also willing to do bits of shopping and occasionally give them lifts. My dad still drives although he thinks that will be stopping soon. They have a Booths supermarket just round the corner although it's too far to walk. There's no way my dad will put his bank details online so any type of internet shopping is out of the question.... again stubborn.

I do all my shopping online as I've developed a bit of a phobia about supermarkets, especially big ones and on my own. It's so much easier anyway.I love the fact that you can get almost anything delivered to your door.
Hi chillilover
When shopping becomes too difficult for them , you could do their shopping on line and have it delivered to them. That's one way you can help from a distance.
Could you also be starting the conversation about getting Power of Attorney in place? It does take some months to be get set up and it sounds like like you need time to convince Dad. Shamelessly use Mums recent illness as a trump card.

Now, what about you? Which do you feel is your biggest problem? Hubby, boredom, parents? Question for you to ask yourself rather than answer on here. I know I worry more when I don't have enough to do and there isn't enough structure to my days/weeks.
Try drawing a couple of large circles on a piece of paper and fill in one with how your life is split now, like a pie chart, then do one with how you think it should be, then one with how you want it to be. Then look at ways at moving more towards the 'wants' and the 'shoulds'. For example if you could spend less time 'on watch' for hubby, what would you do? Visit parents more, go to art class, climb a mountain? Youll probaly find there are one or 2 small changes that make quite a lot of difference.

Hope this helps
Kr
MrsA