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Evenin all. My names Cav and I'm full time carer for my wife who has secondary progressive M.S. she has had It for 20 years now and we met 17 years ago. I became her carer 10 years ago. When we met she was doing well and working as a magistrate and rape survivor counsellor. But now she is totally bed bound and unable to do anything for her self. We have a carer every morning who helps with showering her. I do everything else. Which I don't have any issues with.
My problem is that mentally I'm no longer coping. In the last 18 months she has gone downhill very rapidly and it breaks my heart each and every day. I seem to spend most of my day on the verge of tears. I feel utterly useless because there's nothing I can do about the M.S. itself. Her brain fog keeps getting worse and I feel like I'm losing who she is. It feels like a terminal illness without the terminal. Just the continual decline. (I mean absolutely no offense to anyone who has suffered that tragedy but I can't think of another way of putting it).
Plus we have her P.I.P. assessment in a few weeks and I'm terrified by it. I have absolutely no trust that it will be done fairly.
I'm sorry I've rambled on so much
Cheers. Cav
Welcome Cav
What you are suffering is ambiguous grief. Google it, it's useful reading. It helps me, as I'm grieving for my lovely husband who is now in a nursing home because of strokes and vascular dementia. He too is no longer the person he was. Doesn't stop me loving him, but life is so different. To me, it's a long good bye in a way.
Lots will be along to give advice and support to you. In the meantime you can rant as much as you need/want to. It's a non judgemental forum.
I'm sorry to read that you are going through such a sad tough time, and the anxiety of finance just does not help.
Hello Cav and welcome
It's hard watching a loved one deteriorate and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are a devoted carer, but even the most dedicated needs a break occasionally, and some one to talk to.

What support do you have?
Kr
MrsA
Pet
Thankyou massively for putting a name to what I'm feeling. I did Google it . The sites called what's your grief. Everything it said made sense. Again thankyou
Mrs Average
I have the support of family and friends. I couldn't carry on without them. But I don't want to moan and complain everytime they ask me how I'm doing. I'm fully aware that trying to hide how I'm feeling is self damaging and bloody stupid but I can't stop myself trying to put a brave face on. I think alot of it is because I do it at home as the Mrs has her M.S. and her depression to deal without me adding to it. Don't get me wrong we do talk a lot and she knows I'm not doing well. Just not quite how bad i really feel
Hi Cav
It would be really good if you could find someone independent to talk too, such as a counsellor. That gives a safe environment where you say all the things you can't to family and friends. Your GP may have connections or you can fjnd one independently
https://www.bacp.co.uk
It's amazing how cathartic it can be. Bottling feelings up is not good as they explode at the wrong times, or stay inside festering.

This is a good safe place too but I 've had counselling and have just signed up to try some on line as my caree is an always at home young adult so privacy is difficult. Again similar may be available in your area. Try googling depression and your area and see what comes up. NHS funds quite a bit on line as its cheaper than face to face. I'm not saying you have depression, it's just a good search term. Your local careers support may have ideas too.

Kr
MrsA