New to dementia journey

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Hi. How strange I feel today. The funding for hubby's nursing home has been granted and he's moving in this morning. I should be pleased. Part of me is. The other part is very very sad and scared. This is going to be his home now. He thinks it's a stepping stone to going back to our home. Then says maybe I can move with him! My head is pounding. Must get ready soon as am meeting him there. Put my lippy and perume on and use imaginary tape to keep a smile in place.
Xx
Pet, your feelings are entirely natural. When he was 16, my son with severe learning difficulties had to go to boarding school. My doctor insisted, my health was in ruins. My mum spent her last year in a nursing home. Like your husband, her needs were simply too high for any other option.
It will take a long, long time to get used to this new situation, so put your brave face on, do what has to be done, but be kind to yourself, and look after yourself.
It's OK to cry when you get home, in fact, it will probably do you good to let out all the emotions. If you feel too stressed to sleep, ask your GP for some gentle medication to help you relax and sleep. You might not want pills, but what does your body want?
Try to go for a walk every day, don't allow yourself to become a recluse. Concentrate on feeling really well, mentally and physically, this summer.
Try to take a little break away from everything, even if it's just a weekend - on your own. After my husband died I did this a number of times, being away made it easier to listen to myself. I made little plans, and big plans, but always looking forward. Little plans included learning how to fit concealed zips in dresses, bigger plans involved bigger holidays. Now I go to Crete twice a year. Residential care doesn't mean you are no longer a carer, it just changes. Thinking of you today.
Hugs Pet - thinking of you.
Elaine
Hello Everyone.
I posted an update but it doesn't seem to have reached you? It said post was successful. I can't find it. I won't repeat it yet. Suffice to say the move had its hiccups and I feel bereft. The staff are lovely and It's early days so will have to plod on. Somehow bank holidays make things worse ?
Hope you are all coping
Xx pet 66
Pet66 wrote:Hello Everyone.
I posted an update but it doesn't seem to have reached you? It said post was successful. I can't find it. I won't repeat it yet. Suffice to say the move had its hiccups and I feel bereft. The staff are lovely and It's early days so will have to plod on. Somehow bank holidays make things worse ?
Hope you are all coping
Xx pet 66
I think the update you mean is 3 or 4 posts back on this page Pet (Thursday morning about 9am) :)
Still can't find it. Am sure it was early hours of the morning? Full of the days events about hubby being discharged without medication and the tamazepam not being provided etc. The fact my daughter son in law and myself went to a singer next door with hubby and daughter and myself cried and cried bucket loads.? We still are to be honest. I punched hubby's pillow in my bed in sheer anger at him leaving me.As if it's his fault!! At least I chose a pillow to punch and not the wall lol. Xx
dear Pet66, I really feel for you. I think you're going through a bereavement process and you're in the anger stage - which can be long and heartfelt - but you haven't had the actual bereavement yet so it can be difficult for others to understand. You need to talk to someone - you haven't failed or given up, but it can sometimes feel that way. Good for you with the pillow punching! It's a good stress mechanism - and kinder on your knuckles than the wall! Exercise and walking meditations help too. I know it sounds 'hippyish' but I can't help that -I'm an old hippy! Walking meditations are difficult to describe - but they've really helped me -you get exercise, introspection and sometimes solutions - or at least ways of helping you cope with things. Google them - oh! and 'Mindfulness' - give it a try. Mindfulness can be hard work to start with - but you get better at it as time goes along. Sending you lovexxx
Hi. Have just returned from visit to hubby. He was OK. Is bored because lots in the lounge are at later stage dementia and women. He is middle stage with lots lucid times and some very bizzare times. I didn't stay as long today. It's pouring with rain and my son in law could get me home. He visited for a while with my daughter and 6yr old grandson, who is innocent to the dementia. Thinks it's because Grandad has poorly arm and leg. Refreshing. I have just been in bits though. Empty house and dreadful guilt at leaving hubby. I know that I must try to have long visits and short and days off. Not easy to get my head round.
Wonder how he really feels? It's a grey dismal day and it's how I feel
Thanks for your advice. Will Google. Hope you are OK today xxx
Hi Pet
Have you made a memory book? It's something I wish I could do for Mum, but her eyesight is so poor now that it just upsets and frustrates her if I try to show her anything she can't really see.
Perhaps you could go through all those old photos, as far back as you can find, maybe a post card, invitation, anything that might mean something to him, and make your husband a scrap book of memories to look at when you visit? Sorry if this isn't appropriate to your particular circumstances.
Elaine
I have taken his birthday present I bought him last year. It's the newspaper of the day he was born V E day! He was interested again and one of the male nurses Sat with him and they were having a good old chinwag. Lovely to see. Then the chef took an interest. Was genuine interest as well. I will start something shortly but not sure if we are ready yet. The staff started his life story. He's had an interesting life. Still has his life. Just different. The staff seem very caring and are very aware that he needs stimulation. BH weekend not ideal. Early days yet but we don't want him to stagnate. Hard isn't it to muddle through. Am feeling lonely this evening again. So are thousands of others. At least I'm warm and dry and have plenty of teabags! Xx
509 posts