New here, and a bit overwhelmed.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Kind of feeling overwhelmed at the moment, so I don't really know where to start.

I'm 41, married with two gorgeous children. My daughter is 10 and has sensory issues (but no big deal really), my son is almost 8 and has autism. Still not really a huge deal, but has caused us some childcare headaches. So, my husband gave up work to run a (very ) small business from home so that he can be there for the kids, and look after the home, while I work full time. The idea was he would also be able to help out my mum and his mum with bits of housework, shopping etc.

Then about two months ago it all went pear shaped!! My mum who had been totally completely independent, stopped eating, and then had a fall, and ended up in hospital. Long story short she's been in a hospital bed for about 8 weeks now, and has finally moved to a short stay nursing home while we decide what on earth to do next.

She's gone from being able to walk a mile or two (albeit slowly) to being bed bound, doubly incontinent, needing a hoist to move from bed to chair, and is REALLY confused - she thought she was on the set of Coronation Street, she thinks dead relatives are visiting her, she has hallucinations etc etc.

The doctors keep telling me it's because she's got a UTI, and I'm really bored of reminding that actually she has NEVER had a UTI in the time she's been in, they just keep saying that she probably does, but all the tests come back negative.

Whilst in hospital she's had every available bit of her scanned, had enough blood tests that she probably doesn't have any left any more, and there is nothing significant in any of the findings. I don't have POA, and can't get anyone to sign a form to say that she does or doesn't have capacity, social services want to know all about her money, and I can't seem to convince them that I haven't got a clue, because of the lack of POA and because no one will sign my capacity form! For similar reasons, i have no idea if all the bills are getting paid or if I should expect to see the bailiffs at the door sometime soon.

I work in the NHS and I don't understand how things work, so how anyone else is supposed to manage this stuff is absolutely beyond me!

Anyway, today she moved to a nursing home (that I now don't think I like very much, but I can't do anything about that right now), and she wants me to take her some brandy and babycham in, so I'm trying to fob her off with schloer at the moment! Bust as confused as she is, I don't think I'm going to get away with that for very long!!

Thanks for letting me rant, and I look forward to meeting you all and chatting.
Hi Rachel
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like your lives have suddenly got very complicated.

UTI 's often do cause the elderly to get very confused, but if the urine samples keep coming back negative, then as you say, that can't be the reason your mum has deteriorated so quickly. Do you have your own theory re her rapid deterioration? Sometimes it can be hard to get a diagnosis and you really have to push.

If no one is declaring your mum lacks mental capacity, then you may still be able to push for power of attorney which would be the best option, however if professionals decide she no longer has capacity you will need to explore the court of protection route.

Re the nursing home, make sure you visit at different times to keep them on their toes, as you say, this is only a short staying one. It sounds to me, like you need to be planning for best and worst case scenarios for your Mum.

Others on here with experience of caring for/arranging the care of elderly parents or partners will be along to advise.

Melly1
Rachel
Excise me asking but does Mum have a history of drinking (alcohol I mean!l
And how old is she?
She's 70, and yes indeed she has drunk heavily for maybe the last 25 years. Not a bottle of vodka a day kind of drinking. But daily, and well over the recommended limit. I did a rough calculation and I think that it was probably about 8-12 units a day.

So, I mentioned this too - but again everything they've tested for has come back normal. I think she has better liver functions than me at the moment!! They also did a Gamma GT at my request - normal. No idea how, but it was.

I think that an alcohol basis for this is still pretty high up on my list of posssibilities. As is maybe a vascular dementia (she's had TIA in the past, and a carotid endarterectomy.

I did notice yesterday that her movement is really odd, and getting worse. Kind of very uncoordinated (which it wasn't before), and when they tried to stand her (she can't stand any more) she was very rigid, and didn't seem to be able to bend her legs. And when she tries to take her glasses from me, she can't do it because it seems as though her hands won't go where she wants them too.


On the alcohol thing, she stopped drinking (didn't tell me) about 2-3 weeks before she initially went into hospital. Yesterday she sent me to the supermarket to buy her brandy and babycham. I brought her non-alcoholic fizzy wine, and told all the staff to tell her it's just a different brand of babycham!! I know that's probably very naughty of me, but when I tried to tell her she couldn't have alcohol she told me that of course she could, because it was Jean's house, and Jean wouldn't mind (no idea who Jean is). So I couldn't face a big argument. I gave her some in a sippy cup before I left, and she seemed happy about it, so fingers crossed!
I think that an alcohol basis for this is still pretty high up on my list of posssibilities. As is maybe a vascular dementia (she's had TIA in the past, and a carotid endarterectomy.

I did notice yesterday that her movement is really odd, and getting worse. Kind of very uncoordinated (which it wasn't before), and when they tried to stand her (she can't stand any more) she was very rigid, and didn't seem to be able to bend her legs. And when she tries to take her glasses from me, she can't do it because it seems as though her hands won't go where she wants them too.
It sounds like you are going to have to push for a diagnosis, it does sound neurological. Hopefully others will be along with more suggestions/ advice of where to go from here.

Melly1
Hi Rachel
Sorry for tardy reply, I've been out all day.
Have a look at this section of the Alzheimer's site
I'm not a doctor but somethings rang a bell
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/2000 ... s_syndrome
Kr
MrsA
Thank you. Lots of things do sound right, but then a few others don't fit.

I suppose now that she's in a home, and back with her regular GP I can try to get some referrals To neurology and other relevant people.