My life and problems in it at the moment

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So in 27 and got married in July 2016 about two months ago my wife became very sick unable to get out of bed I had to stop working to care for her and my four kids finking it will only be a week or a cupple days but no she has been suffering with anxiety dizzy spells anger problems depreshen in ability to do the smallest of tasks in the house with out becoming out of breath dizzy and so on I eventually got her it to the doctors and she was diagnosed with post tromatick stress disorder as well as all of the above being corded by it the therapist proseaded to tell her that he thinks her mental break down has been corsed by me because I have given her a stable and loving relationship and life and she knows the kids will be ok and looked arfter that her brain has prity much said its time to go frew this now I don't have to be strong all the time for the kids as a result she blaims me we have discussed this but still she don't won't to be around me she gets up tight constantly does not won't me to tuch her kiss her anything gets angry and everything I say and I mean everything I try to have conversations she won't have it I even tryed to have conversations over text because she seemed to be doing fine with that messaging friends having perfectly normal conversations didn't work she is trying to stop sheer self from loosing it with me all the time and everything now I can see that but I can still very much tell she resents me because the doctor said it was my fault so I'm just soldering on looking arfter them all trying to keep the house going and everything with sorting kids and so on of witch two are seeing doctors for different problems and dealing with at least half the income we are used to having and Christmas on the way how do u cope with this with your wife hating you and not knowing when she's going to be better how long it will be months years has anyone else been frew this sort of fing or going frew it got that bad a week ago that she wonted a devorce and me gone completely because she fort well if I'm gone she will get better and everything will be ok we spoke frew it in the end roll hours I'm starting to go to careers meetings next week for help and advice as well y
I believe we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. Why on earth is the doctor blaming you?! Are the children yours alone? Maybe she hadn't realised what caring for four kids involved? That is a matter of learning, and she knew what she was taking on.
How can you help her get better? What does she expect you to do?
If she has PTSD, what traumatised her? I've had a truly dreadful few years, 6 relatives died, including my lovely hsuband, a head on smash that nearly killed me and left me unable to walk pain free, but still two carees, running a business and a home, but even so I was determined to live to the best of my ability, as we only have one life and Iwanted to live it well - despite 6 operations in the same period! It's been tough, but I can still enjoy life.
Hiya, sorry you and yours going through a tough time. Can't tell you how long it will last. Only know there are no Instant cures but things will improve, with outside help.
As for kissing and other related stuff...... yep, that often has to take a back seat for awhile when someone is ill (mentally or physically).
So very pleased you are going to a Carers group soon....hope you get sensible practical advice support and information there. You are going to have to be the strong one for awhile. Good luck.

Hope the rest of your family get sorted too.
Hi - sounds like you're really in the thick of it! Not good.....!

OK, can I just clarify - there are four children in the household. You say 'my' so are they yours alone (with an ex), or your wife's (with her ex), or both of yours (but since before you married in the summer).

I ask because so much depends on that! If they are yours alone, and you have sole custody (ie, they don't half live with an ex of yours), then if you DO divorce from your wife, the child obviously need to go with you IF that is YOU leave the home. That's a big complication!

Second, whose home is it? Yours, your wife's, the council's/landlord etc? if rented, are you joint tenants, etc etc. Who has the legal right to live there, and what would happen if you did divorce?

I know this is only the practical stuff, rather than the emotional stuff, but in a way it's the most urgent to sort out, because if your wife does push you into a divorce (do YOU want one?) then they will become the highest priority - where will you and the children be???

OK, emotional stuff - yes, what IS the reason your wife has PTSD? Has there been a significant trauma in her life, or what? What is it that she's reacting so badly to?

Second, why is the doctor blaming you? Is he/she saying you CAUSED the PTSD in the first place, ie, the original trauma, or is he/she saying that you are 'triggering' this 'replay' that is happening now? If so, why is he/she saying that?!

Or, picking up I think your first mention of this, is the doctor saying that actually, the reason your wife is breaking down now with PTSD is precisely because she feels, now being married to you, sufficiently 'safe' to let her breakdown? That she's been holding it in for a long time, because she didn't dare 'collapse', but that now, with you at her side, she CAN 'collapse' - ie, behave the way she is?

If it's for that reason the doctor is saying you are 'causing' her current breakdown, then he needs to make it clear to you ,and her, that you are a GOOD thing in her life therefore! Being married to you ALLOWS her to 'get it out of her system' so to speak.

BUT, even if it's that, things can't go on like this can they? Either your wife accepts treatment, and 'gets better' or, really, the marriage has to end, because living the way you are now, affecting the children (whosever they are!) is not good for any of you, especially the children.

Kindest wishes at what is obviously a very, very stressful time for you - Jenny
Hi Ronald,
I may be wrong but I think there's been a big misunderstanding here and you need to get that GP to come and see your wife and explain properly. I think it sounds as if the GP was saying that your wife has been 'bottling up' this stress ever since whatever caused it happened to her. It is only now that she feels safe enough to let it all out, hence this health breakdown. She only heard half of what the GP was explaining and picked up that it was your fault and is therefore blaming you for her ill health, when in actual fact it would have happened sooner or later anyway and isn't your fault at all. Her extreme reaction is part of her illness of course and if she was well she would be able to see that she is driving away the best person to help her through.
Do I understand that you are only 27? That's very young to be coping with this and you are newly married too. I am not at all experienced or at all aware of how to get proper help in this difficult situation, but I'm sure you need it. Hopefully someone else will come along with suggestions of the people you need on side to guide you both through this crisis.
KR
E.
I think Elaine is right - will your wife allow you to go with her to her GP on your own, to ask about this? She might not give permission of course, and in that case her GP won't be allowed to talk to you about your wife because of rules on patient confidentiality.

In that case, I would recommend you go to your OWN doctor (even if it's the same one!) ,and say what is going on at the moment, and ask their help and advice for how best to deal with it. (If you share the same doctor, as I say, the doc won't be able to talk to you about your wife, but they WILL be able to talk to you about what YOU should be doing now, given that your wife has bad mental health problems. PLEASE tell them about the children, and that you want to ensure they are as little affected by this dreadful situation at home as possible.)

I would say that sometimes doctors can give advice to someone with mental illness that their relatives may find, well, 'frustrating' to use one word for it. For example, my niece has chronic MH (depression, anxiety, that sort of thing - she's had it all her adult life and she's in her thirties now). She's getting counselling for it, but a lot of her 'problems' is that she finds it hard to face 'real life' and take responsibility for herself (let's say that although she does help her parents, they still fund her quite a lot!). BUT, whenever her mum, my sister in law, tries to talk to her about 'taking more responsibility' for herself, my niece says 'My counsellor says that when people start going on at me I should just walk away'.....NOT exactly a reaction that will achieve anything except enable my niece to go on 'blanking' her responsibilitis!)

back to you - are you getting any support from your own family with your wife in this state, and is she getting any support from her family (or are they part of her problem maybe??????????????) (I hope not!)
Hi Ronald, and welcome!! I reckon you are doing the right thing by coming here cos we dads all know what it is like. How old is the last baby? I only ask because some women have a short-term biological problem called post natal stress after having a baby and that can cause them to get all kinds of mood problems. Luckily they go away soon, hang on in there bro. {{{hugs}}}
Thank you all for your help my youngest is 2 and a half now 3 are hers from previous relationship one mine yes the doctor was trying to say to her because she has me a good thing in her life that has coursed all this to come out but he failed to say it's a good thing that I'm hear to help and she starts some counciling soon and I'm going Groupe soon no change from first post on moods and so on had her go into a mental one screaming at me today because I said I was going to a bult lock on a shed I have been building she Wonts a house lock and trying to explain that I did not build the door to accommodate that got me know were but a load of abouse and screaming that I should have fort about it more and so on its a shed to me a bult lock is the right thing lol trying too keep my head up and not fight with her at all just can't wait for my group meeting blow some stem off lol and no I don't won't a devorce I love my wife very much and would not ever consider it my self i love my family and am willing to go head on frew all this fire and tackle it but just nice to get advice and help from overs who been there never had to take on anything so difficult in my life so big part of my life that I'm shore is going to be a big impact on our family's future hopefully for the better
And she suffered a lot of bad things befor me she was I. Abusive relationships one raped her sold her beer her another the dad two two of my children beet her stil from her held her up at knife point with the police there trashed her home belongings stole from the kids this when on from 15 to 23
Goodness, that's an awful lot for one person to deal with, BUT it's not your fault. It will take a great deal of love and support for her to come to terms with all that has happened. I'm sure good counselling will help hugely, but in the meantime, keep telling her how much you love her, with plenty of hugs and reassurance. Maybe she doesn't realise how a good relationship works? My husband and were both very strong minded people but we never had a "slanging match" in 34 years. For example, if she is upset about where you are putting a lock, it's easy to buy another lock!
Does she see the shed as some sort of competition. Every man should have a Man Cave, ours was essential for marital harmony. When we disagreed, my OH would disappear into his MC and I'd retreat into my corner. Once we'd worked out why we differed, then we'd get back together over a cuppa and work out what was best. If he wanted something special, then next time I would be the one to have a special treat. Maybe point out when she's shouting that there is no need to shout, there are other ways of discussing things. Marriage isn't a power struggle for supremacy, it's a partnership.