How can I help him , when he refuses to cooperate ?

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My son is 20 and has been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for over 4 years . He was attending calms until he turned 18 and then got moved onto adult Services . His first psychiatrist said he was very complex she said he was autistic but also felt he had BDD . He has refused medication and therapy from everyone and they feel like they can do no more for him .He has been in a secure mental health ward for a while but they didn't think he belonged there , his current psychiatrist says he just wants left alone in his room but he self harms drinks excessively has attempted suicide a few times and is miserable . His bedroom is disgusting , you can see his floor or desk it's covered in rotten food , cigarette buts , bottles , broken crockery and bottles of urine . He is hiding in his room again because I took 5 bin liners of rubbish out of it , he doesn't want me to clean his room but how can i let him live like this , he is rotting away in there stuck in his own head . He has also written over every wall and surface . How can I help him ? I am desperate 😥
Hi Carol
I didn't want to leave you with an unanswered post tonight so typed a long reply then pressed the wrong button and lost it Grrrrrr!
Too late to start again now other than to say I think you need to push for more professional help, and keep pushing. You may need to say you are throwing your son out as you cannot cope any more, as unfortunately the meek and mild get nowt from NHS these days .

Look also at the autism, mind and young minds websites. The latter has a parent's helpline
Kr
MrsA
Hi Carol

I'm afraid I know little about autism, but some of what you describe resonates with me.

My older son, diagnosed with schizophrenia, wrote all over the walls of his flat, and my younger son still has periods of accumulating rubbish in his room till there is more rubbish than carpet.

I don't have a solution but I say this to assure you that in themselves these behaviours won't cause your son permanent damage.

If he is acquiring alcohol I guess he leaves the room sometimes? I wonder whether striking a deal with him would work, along the lines of "clear out some rubbish yourself or I will go in and do it". Then at least you are keeping a line of communication open. You'd need to keep within boundaries you set with your son though, or you risk losing his trust.

The more concerning aspect is the self harm and suicide attempts. Are the attempts serious? Or are they for attention? If your son is at risk of harm to himself the health professionals can section him and insist he takes medication. Have you been to A&E with him? Would he in fact go?

Have you talked to your GP, from the point of view of your own health?

Sorry I cannot offer more help. I've been through much of what you describe and can only say we came out the other side, eventually. But it takes time.....
Carol, as the mum myself of a young adult son (though one, dear God, not with MH)(he's had his sorrows though, and lost his dad to cancer while a young teen)....I do feel for you and your fear and frustration.

what I am going to say now is very 'controversial' and indeed may actually be illegal, though personally I would argue otherwise....

However, it is this. (The mods may well delete this post on the grounds that it IS illegal, or if not, then unethical)....but here goes.

Has your son been prescribed any 'mood altering' meds at all (ie, any kind of pharmaceutical treatment of any kind)?

Is he refusing to take them?

Do you actually have them physically in the house? (eg, unfinished packets).

Do you know what his dosage is that he's been prescribed?

If yes, then ....and this is the controversial bit (to put it mildly!) - would you consider putting the ground up pills into his food, so that he can ingest them, and would you be prepared to do so 'covertly' .....either by not mentioning it at all, or doing it even if he says he does not want them?

As I say, I am being VERY 'cautious' about even wrting this, and fully expect that my 'idea' (which tries to alleviate your desperation) may risk being illegal/unethical.

But, as a mum, I write it anyway....just in case.

The dreadful dreadful Catch 22 of so much MH is that it is PART of the illness to refuse medication! My own mother (bipolar, MH, possibly schizophrenia) would never take meds as she considered them 'part of the plot to make me mad'....(!) - so, of course, her presentation of MH never was alleviated.....

Wishing you all that can be, and I do hope that a breakthrough, however achieved, can be in the near future to give your son a happier life, and yourself the hope and reassurance that 'we mothers' so despearately want for our children.

Kindest wishes at this troubled time, Jenny
Jenny I understand where you're coming from as I've been tempted to do this myself but this is a bad idea on so many counts. It is indeed illegal - you can only treat someone against their will if they are under a section order. There is a risk that the pills may interact in some hitherto unsuspected way with who knows what else this young man is taking and might harm or even kill him. And finally, what on earth will it do to his trust in his mum?

It is such a pity that our mental health system is in so poor a state that it comes down to this desperate solution being even contemplated, but it's not the way to go . :shock:
Carol_17091 wrote:
Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:23 pm
My son is 20 and has been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for over 4 years . He was attending calms until he turned 18 and then got moved onto adult Services . His first psychiatrist said he was very complex she said he was autistic but also felt he had BDD . He has refused medication and therapy from everyone and they feel like they can do no more for him .He has been in a secure mental health ward for a while but they didn't think he belonged there , his current psychiatrist says he just wants left alone in his room but he self harms drinks excessively has attempted suicide a few times and is miserable . His bedroom is disgusting , you can see his floor or desk it's covered in rotten food , cigarette buts , bottles , broken crockery and bottles of urine . He is hiding in his room again because I took 5 bin liners of rubbish out of it , he doesn't want me to clean his room but how can i let him live like this , he is rotting away in there stuck in his own head . He has also written over every wall and surface . How can I help him ? I am desperate 😥
Thank you all for taking the time to reply , we have tried lots of meds he never sticks with them the autism team said people with ASD can be very sensitive to them and just don't like them . The problem seems to be that he isn't just Autist he also has the other MH problems and the psychiatric team didnt know how to handle him and the ASD team spoke to him like he was a child . He hasn't formed a bound with any of the people assigned to him since his first psychiatrist in calms . He doesn't cope with change . He has been offered alot of help he really has , he just will not or cannot accept it .
Sorry for the late reply Carol - like some others I have been having trouble with gremlins on the modified forum system and have been unable to reply to posts till now.

You seem to be between the devil and the deep blue sea here, with the idea of covert medication, recommended by some and rejected by others. I am not qualified to comment about the legalities here. But as I see it, your GP should be overseeing the medication and have the final say in this.

It would do no harm to approach your GP something along the lines that you have had this idea of covertly administrating his pills but you think it is probably wrong to do so. This would make him in no doubt about your desperation. Then let him come up with some advice based on your idea. I think he could come up a way round the problem - but he needs to know the position as fully as possible.

Best of luck.