Hi everyone.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Happy to help. Try making a list of everything which either you struggle with or annoys you most. Then rewrite the list in descending order. Start with the most irritating two or three things, and as you sort out one, add another.
There are lots of current and former carers here, so feel free to say "How do you get round the problem of..." and you will probably get a range of ideas, so you can choose which you like most, or do nothing at all!
Sometimes, if you can just knock two or three things on the head, it can really help - both in practical terms and in freeing up 'headroom' so to speak. It also makes you feel that improvement IS possible. Sometimes we are just so crushed on all fronts we can't seem to get a lever on anything. So that can mean it makes sense to tackle low-hanging fruit, the 'easy/easier to sort' problems/pressures, to create that headroom and give you a vital feeling that you are 'sorting things out' and that they ARE sortable.

At the same time as making the list of 'things that get on top of me' I would also write a corresponding list of 'things about my life that I really appreciate' as that will help keep a good balance in your mind.

You won't need me to tell you that at 92, your mum is, at the very most, in the last decade of her life, so do make the most of having her, what she can do with you, etc etc, just being with her. This time is, in a way, a long slow 'goodbye'. You've clearly been a devoted son, and she must known that (I hope!) and I hope that you can cherish all the 'sweet moments' you have with her, just 'being together', even in little pleasures,eg, watching a TV programme together, or reminiscing.

In fact, one of the main reasons for 'streamlining' your life and taking down the pressure of everyday problems/burdens etc, is to CREATE more 'good time' with your mum.......

Far better to 'outsource' chores and 'chore-caring', so that you have more time for 'companion caring' with your mum.
I've not looked at in that way before Jenny. Every point you make is so true. I've still got a long way to go as I'm getting to the point of loving but not liking Mum. I know it sounds horrible but.....
David, I think ALL of us have 'mixed feelings' about caring! The problem is, we all 'don't want' our caree to NEED care!

My caree is my MIL, and I have to say straight off that I BITTERLY resented being 'landed' with her! My husband died some years ago and her surviving son is in the USA with his own family etc so can't help in practice at all.

I felt my MIL had 'landed' on me when she started developing dementia at 89 and 'collapsed' on me both emotionally and in a paractical sense .For about half a year I struggled to have her split her time between staying with me, and 'putting her back home' in her flat 400 miles away, but it was hopeless - she just couldn't cope on her own any more. What she really wanted was to move in and live with me at what I came to call Hotel Jenny.....(sigh). Each and every day was spent 'devoted' to her, her care, comfort and entertainment...

It nearly drove me to a nervous breakdown and life became not worth living.....I was that angry and frustrated that I could NOT get my life back....

So, in the end, I did the ruthless thing and 'put her in a home'....she wasn't happy, I felt guilty, but I got my life back. She is still there, nearly four years on now.....and, the only blessing dementia grants eventually, she no longer is 'unhappy' as she is 'calm and peaceful'......

I had no 'heartstrings' to her, fond though I was, and am, of her, and that, I think, made it impossible for me to consider giving up my life for her, ie, dedicating myself to her. Would I have done that for my own mum? I don't know.....

So, I say to you that yes, we do, here, understand the frustration of being 'condemned' so to speak to care for our very elderly and 'needy' parents. We know we can love without liking, etc etc.

What do you think you 'dislike' most about your mum? Is it the practical 'chains' (ie, you can't leave her on her own) or the 'personality' issues, shall I call it that?, ie, if she is 'tetchy' and 'demanding' and 'ungrateful' and 'unappreciative' and 'complaining' and 'accusing' etc etc (not saying she IS any of those, but is any of that ringing bells with you?)

What is it about your situation that you don't like....? Simple question - but the answer could be very complex! Over to you!
Great reply jenny. I think it's the 'chains' and 'tetchiness' you mentioned. Example, she tells people on the phone "What wonderful friends I've got" the truth is not one has been to see her let alone anything else. So that also covers 'ungrateful' and 'unappreciative'. Wow no wonder I'm so fed up with it. The only break I've had in 2+ years is when she had her shoulder operation. I actually got away to a hotel for 3 days. (Visited the National Railway Museum in York with an old work colleague).