Hi everyone.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My name is Dave or David if you prefer. I am the sole carer for my 92 year old Mother (only child). I myself suffer with severe COPD, glaucoma and cataracts. I am finding it extremely hard to get any help from the social as my Mum has more than £23,250 in the bank. She has just had a new shoulder joint fitted so she has got four weeks of a carer coming twice a day to help her out. Sorry to have gone on a bit more than I should, but, Hello Everyone it's good to be here.
Hi David, welcome to the forum.
Your situations raises a whole lot of issues, it will help if you can shed a bit more light on your situation, to guide our advice. The following questions all have a purpose, don't answer any you are no happy to, but replies will help.

Do you live with mum? Do you have Power of Attorney? Is she mentally OK? Receiving Attendance Allowance?
Has mum had a proper Needs Assessment from Social Services, been given a written copy? Have you had a Carers Assessment?
How old are you? Is mum paying you for the care you provide?
Hi Dave,
Welcome to the forum.

You certainly haven't "gone on more" than you should!

Just because your mum has got savings, shouldn't mean social care are excused from helping you arrange support for your Mum.

I just need to rinse my caree's hair and then will post some links.

Melly1

Back again.
Look at page 10 onwards http://www.carersuk.org/files/helpandad ... upport.pdf
Thanks for the welcome. First off I am 68 and live with Mum. I am waiting for an LPA to be issued. Mentally she is fairly good (on a scale of 1 - 10 I'd say 7). I am not aware of her having a proper assessment and I am waiting to have a case worker to give me an assessment. She is getting Attendance Income at the lower rate of £55.65 I believe it is and I am not getting any of it. That about covers it I think.
Hi David,
That's useful information. It's really important that you consider the future, and the possibility that mum might end up in residential care at some point. In my area, that costs about £1,000 a week, which very soon eats through a lot of money very quickly!

As you are over 65, I believe that the value of mum's house will be exempt from being considered as an asset when looking at her ability to pay for residential care, however she would be expected to use her savings to pay for all her care until her assets go below, very roughly, £23,000.

However, until that time, mum can spend her money freely on things she needs, the cost of her care, a new carpet if the old one is scruffy, repairs on the house, etc. are all justifiable expenses.
Whilst she is living at home, the sooner her assets go below the £23,000 limit the better, as the LA will then do a financial assessment and contribute towards her care.
Attendance Allowance is not intended to be squirrelled away, it is there to pay for an "attendant". Care agencies cost £10-£15 an hour at least, so it is quite justifiable for mum to pay you at this rate for the time you spend caring for her.
My mum just wanted me to handle all her money for her, so we had a joint account (then only half counted as hers for financial assessments) and I made sure she kept below the limit, legally. (I ran a small business for 20 years and own my own home, so knew what was required and mum trusted me totally.
I know money can be a touchy subject, but make sure that mum pays you as you go along, thinking of it as part of your inheritance in advance, because if she goes into residential care, there might be no inheritance at all.
This is just a rough guide, everyone's situation is different, if mum divorced then anything she leaves including the value of the house over about £320,000 will also be subject to Inheritance Tax. If dad died without using his IHT allowance, then the figure doubles.
Please don't end up in the situation so many carers are left in. A parent saying "You can have it all when I die" only for residential care to gobble it all up.
Be sure to take specialist advice - our Carers UK helpline is wonderful - sooner, rather than later, to protect your own position, before it's too late.
Thanks everyone for your very welcome tips & hints. I will be reading the link Melly1 posted as I have downloaded the PDF. I've got a lot of catching up to do it looks. :?:
Successful caring long term involves a balance between the needs of the carer and the caree.
Especially when someone is elderly and infirm, they will always say they want a relative to care for them, not an "outsider" because they know the relative and change is very difficult.
So you, as the carer, have to decide what you are comfortable with, balancing mum's own needs with your own needs. It's really important that you have some "me" time each week to belong to a club, group, or something sociable, because one day mum won't be here any more and you will need the support of friends to help build a new life. Sad, but true. I was always going to do this but never quite managed it very well. Now I'm paying the price.
If you don't want to do the dirty laundry, cleaning, housework etc. as well as looking after mum, that's fine, mum must pay for this. You can't do it all.
Here on the forum, we often mention the difference between needs and wants. My mum wanted me to take out all her kitchen units before the new flooring was laid. Me, running a business, with a disabled son and two knee replacements. I had neither the time nor the inclination. It was MY decision about what I did with MY time. The only power mum had over me was the power I let her have. I didn't let her have any power over me on this one!
Very pertinent points bowlingbun as I have had both of my knees replaced as well. We have a cleaner once a week at the moment, but, apart from that I do everything else. It is getting to be a strain on my already dodgy health.
David,
In the last 20 years I have supported, and lost, all four of our parents, all living close to us, looking back I made many mistakes.
From all this I've learned that our parents always loved us, but as they get older they just assume because we are so much younger than them, we can do for them anything they can't do themselves.
The fact that we are now pensioners ourselves just isn't really appreciated, they just don't somehow understand the implications of this. The day I after I was discharged from hospital I was summoned over to mum's, 6 miles away, because her carers had accidentally locked the inner front door so couldn't get in. Husband had to drive me over with the spare key, when I went into mum's bedroom to say hello, I said "I've got to sit down". "What's the matter dear?" asked mum. I lifted my T shirt and showed her my fresh 12" wound/scar across my abdomen!!!
So you will have to gradually introduce more help, she will never willingly agree to it without a struggle. It may be easiest to employ a carer as a "domestic" doing the basic cleaning etc. ("as I need to care for you a bit more mum, I've employed someone to take over some of my jobs in the house") then just don't cancel the "cleaner", but while she is there pop out for a walk, to buy some milk, whatever excuse you like, and gradually increase the periods you are away for.
Streamlining the house, getting rid of whatever isn't really needed, will also help. Flatten the flower beds so the lawn is easier to mow, and get a gardener in. (A gardener is an allowable expense). I had to do this when my knees were bad, just wish I'd done it years ago.
Thanks for your reply bowlingbun. I can see every point you've made and will have to start introducing some of it into my life.