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Hi i am a widow and I have 2 children a boy and a girl. My son has downs syndrome, is autistic, has hearing and vision impairments and has complex learning needs. From May this year he has been unable to walk and has been in hospital since then. He is soon to be discharged and will now be in a wheelchair. Until now he has lived in his own flat with 24/7 care but now he is having to come back to live with me as there is no suitable accommodation for him. I am presently sorting out his flat to hand back to the housing association but i am also looking at adapting my home for him to come back to me. I am extremely stressed and trying to find the right care and support for him. My daughter is presently living in Aberdeen.
Don't do it!! Keep the flat and then arrange a transfer. It is up to Social Services to find him suitable accommodation. Are they involved Who owns the flat? My own son has SLD, 38, loves in his own flat, no way could I look after him full time now. You'll never have a life of your own if he moves back in with you. Are you being pressurised?

!!

Theresa - remember, that if your children are over 21 you have NO LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY for them! none!

You are perfectly at liberty to 'wash your hands of them'!

Now, obviously, I know you wouldn't actually do that - BUT, this is my point, the fact that you CAN legally 'refuse to lift a finger to help your son' puts the pressure on the SS/NHS to sort out his accommodation.

WHATEVER THEY SAY TO YOU about 'no suitable accomodation' do NOT offer to 'solve their problem' by taking him back home!

They are saying this to make it EASY FOR THEM, not YOU and not your son!!!!

You must be firm on this. Go back to them and say you can't face having him, you've changed your mind, it's your legal RIGHT to refuse to have him, and that they CANNOT force you to take him back.

The problem is THEIRS.

This is the only 'gun' you can point at their heads to make them pull their fingers out and not trot out the 'oh, there's nowhere suitable' for him excuse. They CAN and legally they MUST find somewhere!

Now, they will doubtless 'try it on' and tell you it's too late, you've already agreed, they OT is coming round to assess your house, you've committed to it, etc etc, but none of that matters a jot! Even if your son HAD ALREADY moved back in again you could STILL insist that it is YOUR house and you WILL NOT HAVE HIM IN IT!

They may trot out all sorts of guff about 'oh, but he'd be best off with you' and 'oh, but he wants to come home' and 'oh, but how could you refuse to house your own son' etc etc. but not a SINGLE WORD of this will be about YOU or your son, it will be about making it easier for THEM (and cheaper!!!!!!!)

Please please FORCE them to do something about finding somewhere that IS suitable, and put the ball firmly into their court. Refuse to progress with the 'adaptations' (it's your hourse, you have the right to say no!) and don't be bullied or browbeaten or pleaded with or downright 'conned' into letting this happen.

Your son's established an independent life, and I'm sure that that is good for him - and you. And yes, IF, after the SS have actually pulled their finger out and found somewhere, and it doesn't work out after all that, then you could consider having him back home with adaptations, but NOT TILL THEN.

BUT, once he is back in your house, the SS will think 'job done!' and it will be MUCH harder to make them act. NOW is the time you have the greatest leverage. Do NOTHING to aid them!

All the best for you and your son - Jenny
Hi thanks for your replies. They have offered a place but it is about a 50 minute drive but it is not suitable for him it is draconian. His present housing authority are building new houses but wont be ready for another year which is why i am taking him back to my house, have a case conference tomorrow at hospital so will see how things go.

Theresa
Theresa_1709 wrote:
Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:30 pm
Hi thanks for your replies. They have offered a place but it is about a 50 minute drive but it is not suitable for him it is draconian. His present housing authority are building new houses but wont be ready for another year which is why i am taking him back to my house, have a case conference tomorrow at hospital so will see how things go.

Theresa
If they have offered somewhere that is unsuitable, that is not a reasonable offer and they must work harder to find or adapt somewhere that is suitable, and proximity to family must be one of the criteria.
You do NOT have to accept the first place they offer. It must respect his right to a normal family life by being near you so you can visit regularly.
I would definitely definitely definitely get it in writing NOW that on of the new places has already been allocated to your son, or will be.

But get it in writing, so that if, when they are ready for occupation, they don't give your son one, you have them over a legal barrel!

Good point about 'closeness to you' being a key factor in where they can place him meantime.

Remember, refusing to having him home, at all, for any length of time, is the only 'gun' you've got to point at them!!!

Wishing you all the best - KR, Jenny

PS - itmight also be useful to wander over the building site, and ask the guys working there on the ground when they think the palce will be finished and ready for occupation! The builders usually know pretty clearly if they are behind schedule or not - and that will give you probably a more accurate date for when a place will be ready and available for your son. It could well be longer than the council lare saying!!!!