Feeling worn out

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Hi all,
I am a carer for my wife who has a condition called Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction, causing her pain that fluctuates and nausia. She is currently doing some work, but this is limited and when very unwell she spends most of her time in bed or generally asleep. I myself an currently dealing with a flare up of a condition I have, Ulcerative Colitis, and this makes me tired and can impact on my day. We have two lovely girls and I often have to be mum, dad and general taxi and entertainer for them, although they are both teenagers now and can fend for themselves more. We are both on our second marriage and so there are two other parents but we get minimal support from them and financially similar. I have also just taken a promotion at work which has turned out to be very stressful, which does not help with everything. We don't get much time to ourselves and I am virtually always doing things, shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, gardening, and taking the kids out. I am really struggling at the moment and I was hoping to hear from people in the same boat for some advice.
Hi Bryan, welcome to the forum.
One person CANNOT do the work of two, so you have to work out which jobs can be avoided altogether, or reduced, by a new way of thinking. Ultimately, it will leave all of you with more time and less stress.

I was disabled after a car accident and could hardly walk for 5 years. My eldest son "bullied" me into making some massive changes - he lives with me (I'm widowed) and can sometimes see things clearer than me. He made me do away with all the borders in the garden, as the garden was larger than average, had become his responsibility and he didn't do borders! How I wish we'd done that years ago. Now a quick whizz round on the garden tractor every week, job done.
Then I looked at everything I did. Wore different clothes that didn't need ironing, bought a washer dryer, dirty clothes in, clean clothes out (but I still use a tumble dryer at times for larger loads). I had a massive review of everything in the house. Lots of "stuff" went to the charity shop, saleroom, etc. So much easier to keep tidy without it.
As you have two teenagers in the house, it's time for them to take a bit of responsibility. Plan food that they can put in the oven/slow cooker/pressure cooker so when you come home from work a meal is waiting. I did this when I did a degree as a mature student, left everything in the fridge for my eldest, then about 12, to chop up and put in the oven. After a few burnt meals he realised that if he wanted a meal of the usual standard he just had to check it occasionally! Your kids will thank you for this in years to come. Shop online for all major stuff, then the kids can top things up as necccessary on the way home from school if there is a local shop.
Their rooms are their responsibility now. They must change the beds, etc. etc.
Good luck. I just wish I'd done lots of it years ago!
Bryan, I agree with BB - time for a family pow-wow (with the girls), and hammer out a list of (a) What HAS to be done (and what can we skimp on) and then (b) who is going to do it.

Do involve your daughters, both to get them 'onside' and also because, as BB points out, they do need to start taking responsibility for themselves. This isn't turning them into 'young carers' just responsible teens (if that isn't an oxymoron ha ha!)(but it only is if we parents let it be such!)

That said, I do think it's important that when it comes to their own domains, their bedrooms, you let well alone. If THEY are in charge of their bedrooms, and then they are perfectly happy for the place to be a tip, well, that's their choice! (You can make a rule - no left over food as that's a health hazard, and do they WANT mice and rats in their wardrobes????? And flies laying eggs and maggots hatching in their shoes????? etc etc). Teens do have different priorities, and tidiness isn't usually one of them!

If your daughters 'moan' and say 'Nobody else in the entire universe has to help in the house and you are the worst parents ever!' (hope they don't), then it's time for firm love - no free rides in life, and that's that. Time to grow up.

You mention that your wife works sometimes - is this paid work/employment, and if so, does she have to go out to work, or did you mean 'housework work'? If the former, then maybe part of the whole pow-wow has to be financial, and include the question - can we get by without her financial input? (eg, now you have your promotion??)

Finally, although obviously it's difficult, do try and make a priority of some 'fun/treat family days together'. When life is difficult it can become a constant grind, just getting through each day, but if you have something nice to look forward to, however 'humble' it can lift the spirits to an extent that the rest of the time is easier to bear. This 'is' your life, and it would be a shame to look back and regret not having nice 'special memories' to look back on. And you don't need me to remind you that in a few years your girls will have flown their nests.