Picking up the threads...................

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
]http://www.carersuk.org/images/icon_sad.gif[/img]

Can it possibly be that you need motivation? What can we do?

DR
Sorry, I have been remiss in not replying to your suggestions but my original post was as much about knowing what you've done to pick up your pieces as it was about my own situation.

Part of my own problem is my own 'fault' - by nature I'm not a 'joiner' or 'club' type of person. I prefer one on one friendships rather than being part of a crowd - trying to change that part of my personality at my age is not very easy and I'm very aware that the world is not going to beat a path to my door Image (My Mum was always telling me that when I was younger and bemoaning the lack of boyfriends Image ).

DITR - I do accept any and every invitation that comes my way, but have yet to find anything that I want to follow up on Image I tried the WI, but that didn't work out; our ex-Carers group is disbanding after Christmas as there's no longer the funding for it and the local Townswomen's Guild disbanded a year or so ago from lack of interest ! I'm currently looking around for a charity shop that needs volunteers but so are quite a few other ladies so at the moment there are no 'vacancies' Image
Hope you find something to suit you soon Susie.

In the meantime there is always somebody hanging over our virtual garden fence should you need a good old fashioned chinwag one to one......Les Dawson springs to mind now! Image Image
Hey, you weren't remiss at all, I wasn't scolding you! I am interested.

Well, you have read my initial response so will see or guess how I have coped in slightly similar circumstances.

I think the fundamental issue is how content you (or me or anyone) can be with our own company. If you are not traditionally a "joiner" and don't really want to change....... Then so be it. That is OK.

The pertinent word is Acceptance.

"If you only do what you have always done you will only get what you already have".

Dunno who said that. The point is, each of us have to decide what we are willing to accept. Or not. As the case may be.

Might not have helped you but it's how I look at things.
Well, I don't have a problem with the 'next stage' of my life, since losing Dad late Sept.

I am writing three books, repainting the inherited house, sorting thru the left-behind 'stuff', tending to my 22YO out-of-work sons minor depressions, and many of the people that knew me because i was going everywhere with Dad are remaining friends with me now that he was gone.

I look at it as a chance to change my life into its next phase - rather than being at a loss after a significant change.

I have enough money to make it thru 30-40 weeks without the need of seeking further income, as i have inherited the house so do not need to pay rent, and do not currently earn enough to pay council tax, so have few expenses beyond bills & food. I am using this valued time to combine personal projects with community assistance - painting the house/writing my books for my own pleasure and being 'there' for people who need a helping hand - both on the local street and people nearby who knew Dad and me. As an example, yesterday i popped in for a much-needed chat with a troubled friend of ours who has been housebound for much of the past 2 months due to health issues - today I popped in for coffee with another friend I made through Dad's former life who tends to get bored during the day. These two people were glad to have had some company and a chat - and i was able to give them the time and open ear that they needed - which i would not have been available to do had I still been FT carer to Dad.

I have just floated into the next section of my ever-changing life, accepting the opportunities that occur and trying to level my life between my own wants and those of others.... so, I have not really come up to where you are at with the view of it being a problem...

I guess your title says it all - 'picking up the threads' as if you had a life that you put aside and cannot get back into - whereas for me it has been a case of leaping from one stage to the next of an ever-changing life.
I'm still struggling to find something which is fulfilling for ME, since my husband died seven years ago. Unfortunately an accident soon afterwards left me disabled, so all the plans I had, including a 5 week holiday in Australia, where I used to live, had to be abandoned. Since then, my caring role has been difficult, and there is little time when I am free, with energy left. I used to run a Brownie pack of 24 girls single handed, but that was long ago. I used to belong to the WI, in fact I was a founder member here, and won prizes for my cakes etc. at the county show. Nothing seems to be the least bit interesting to me now though, the WI that I once loved now seems so boring that I made my excuses and left early. I ran a national club for 15 years, so have absolutely no plans to do anything which isn't "pleasing to me" - there is a word for this in Russian, by the way! I know it's me that's changed, but I have lots of life to live, and love being able to walk properly, but I just can't find anything I want to do on a regular basis, to get back into the human race again. I've been in some sort of parallel universe for too long.
Yes, Bowlingbun. The trouble is too that, during my time away from it, the 'real' world seems to have moved on in some ways and I've moved on in others. Not sure how well I fit, or want to fit, any more. I've got quite used to my own little world.
That's my problem too, I often feel like a square peg in a round hole. I've left the real "me" somewhere amongst all the caring, illnesses etc.