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Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 8:40 pm
by SheWolf
Partner and I want different things yet I don't want to be alone. My mum wouldn't have anything to do with him, she thought I could do better. To be fair, she made up her mind before meeting him and that situation caused a lot of arguments. I suppose he is glad that she is dead.
I think maybe your Mum summed up your partner pretty well (probably from picking up clues and info from you, before she'd even met him, as to how he'd lived his life). Is he, in fact, something of a gold digger? A man with a broken marriage behind him, who didn't want to commit to a new relationship, but was happy to get involved with a single woman who owned vacant business premises which he could use rent free, and who stood to inherit a valuable asset one day? I'm so sorry to be so blunt, but he seems very eager for you to cash in your inheritance by selling the house, and I find it shocking that he's implying he lost money in the business due to you looking after your mother. He seems to have overlooked the fact that he has enjoyed the benefit of rent free business premises - so this isn't an equal partnership by any means - you are in effect his landlady!

I would trust your mother's instincts regarding this man. Think back - you say she had a lot of friends and was popular - was she a good judge of character? Do you believe she had your best interests at heart and genuinely wanted your happiness, when she said that you "could do better"? I would rather be alone than with someone who was more interested in me bankrolling their business than living with me. Loneliness is a horrible thing, but this man doesn't seem to be offering you real companionship and support, he seems more interested in what he can get out of you, than what he can give. I am sorry to say it but I think maybe the support he offered you over the last 4 months was by way of keeping you sweet, rather than a sign of genuinely caring for you. I know this is the last time you want to be making any big decisions, but the fact you've already taken legal advice tells me you know that your mother was right about this man. Please don't let this man manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, and think very carefully about becoming too involved with him. Loneliness is horrible, but I think your mother is right, you can do better. (I've also not even met this man... but your words have red flags waving in my head each time I read them. I'd be happy to be proved wrong but just feel concerned that you have no one in real life to wave the red flags.)

Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 12:04 pm
by Miss Bee
So, so sorry to hear of your loss.
My own mum passed away on the 6th, and I am struggling enormously with the raw grief - despite logically knowing that her health had declined so much, and couldn't have carried on.
Again, I am so very sorry
My warmest wishes to you x x

Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 1:27 pm
by bowlingbun
Miss Bee, sorry for your loss. The next few weeks you will be all over the place. Be kind to yourself, don't forget to eat or things will seem even worse. Take plenty of rest, and if you struggle to sleep, ask the GP for something gentle to help you relax. It's a "life changing moment" which takes time to adjust to.

Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 3:00 pm
by Pet66
(((hugs))) Miss Bee
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Take care of yourself xx

Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:19 pm
by Teresa_16121
I simply want to send you my love. I am also an only child, caring for my dad, the bond you build is amazing, quite beautiful. I can really empathise with how you feel, like others have said do take care of yourself, also BB's idea about holding back on major decisions seems like a good one,
Teresa x

Re: Mum passed away yesterday. Devastated and lost.

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:32 am
by Elaine
Debra
So sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so devastated. Take it one day at a time and do not be surprised to find yourself very tired, very uninterested in anything and feeling like you want to shut yourself away from everyone and the world in general. It does pass, gradually. Be kind to yourself and don't bother with anything you don't absolutely HAVE to do. Most things will wait.
Big hug ((())).
E.