missing dad

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
since mum died 21 years its just been me and dad living at home, we were always very close, dad has always been fit and active despite his age.
and its only been the last year or so he has really needed much care. he took ill before christmas 2011 and was admitted to hospital for 3 weeks it was while he was in there that the staff suggested he needed 24 hour care and i should consider a nursing home..... (i knew different) i was adamant he would be coming home... i paid a family freind to look after dad while i continued to work and within a few weeks he was back to his normal self after leaving hospital at just 6 stone we got him back up to his normal weight of 9.5 stone.... we enjoyed 2 holiday in suffolk last year and things were looking up.......
he celebrated his 96th birthday on may 4th this year but sadly suddenly after a very short illness he passed away the following week on the 10th may the day before we were due to go away on holiday again........
the thing is i am just totally lost without him, i miss him so much it hurts...i,m fine when i,m at work but as soon as i go home i just feel so lost and alone... home just is,nt home anymore..
there has,nt been a day go by when i,ve not cried..... i suppose some people would say a man should,nt be feeling like this... but at the end of the day he was my dad and i loved him with all my heart.....
i feel guilty because when my mum died i did,nt greive as much as i am now, but think that was because i knew i had to be strong for dad and be there for him..... but now dad has gone the grief for mum seems to be coming out as well............
also i hate the usual family thing you get at funerals, where those members of the family say " we must keep in touch" but then you dont see or hear from them until the next family funeral........... and its always ""you know where we are if you want anything""
what about """you know where i am """
Michael, there is a section in Members called former carers and I'm sure you will find some comfort from others on there who have recently lost loved ones.
My Dad died 32 years ago and I still miss him very much.
I'm sure most of us on here who are still caring or have lost someone will agree with your second post, you are so not alone. Take care and be good to yourself.
Hi Michael,
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through now having lost both parents.
The feelings that you have are natural, and all part of the grieving process. Just because your male doesn't make your feelings any different - it hurts just the same.
Please stick around on the forum - there is lots of help and support here to help you though this difficult time.
Just take things slowly and look after yourself. We are all here for you Michael.
Take care,
India.x
I am so sorry Michael, but be proud of the way you managed to look after him and get away for a holiday together - Im sure it would have meant so much to him. Your dad had been so much part of your life that its bound to be hard, whether you are male or female, it still hurts. I also expect you are now grieving for your mum too - you werent able to do that after she died, but it has to come out some time.
Be gentle with yourself, you are allowed to cry - its best not to bottle it all up - its still very early days yet. And just dont worry about what the relatives say (((hugs)))
3 months now since i lost dad and still everyday i feel so lost.. the house does,nt feel like home anymore but just a base.... i potter about the house not knowing what to do next..
the family and freinds who at the funeral say those famous words ( we are here for you) we will keep in touch ) are nowhere to be found...
so much of my life was centred around looking after and doing things for dad that i now just feel useless
I'm sure there are many people on here that know how you are feeling, it's something that scares me about when I no longer have Mum to look after 24/7.

It's very early days, you need to be kind to yourself and take just one step at a time.
Even though family disappear, we are always here for you and wish we could help more.
((((hugs))))