Life falling apart

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hello everyone x
Thank you all so very much for all your kind words and thoughts and good common sense and practical advice - you all have so much going on in your lives but you take time to talk, you'll never know how much it is helping knowing you guys understand how im feeling.
Dad was the best person - and so laid back I know he would tell me off for being so down on myself, but it is out of my control at the moment I just can't 'get a grip'.
Dad's will was made over 10 years ago so i think he knew which one of us would be there for him - my 2 sisters and brother all live within 10 miles of Dad but didn't help out - the occasional stop in for tea and cake. When I got the call in Scotland that Dad had really 'lost the plot' I drove 400 miles back only to find Dad in turmoil and my sisters birds and tortoises left for him to look after while they went on holiday !! Dad couldnt look after himself, it broke my heart.
Trying to be positive - still terrified of everything but am hopefully going to a mental health drop in session tomorrow pm - if i can actually leave the house without panicing or crying :( so will take all your advice about getting counselling.
Much love and thanks to you all x
I was widowed 10 years ago. I would say that it can be healthy to fall apart, a bit like shedding a skin. You are no longer a carer, you are certainly not the same person you were before being a carer, so who are you? Try to be more self aware. Write down things you like doing, things you have always fancied doing, then challenge yourself to do something. I always wanted to learn how to sew invisible zips, for example. I never saw a live singing show, saw one, and was disappointed. Only by doing new and different things can you "grow" as a person. I'm now living a very different life from the one I used to live.