End of the road...Stuck

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Jason, ever so quickly just for now -

I would use your current bereaved state to get something like Diazapam prescribed for you. I got this when my husband died (I hardly had to ask!), and I found it 'wonderful' (I'm a big fan!). The thing about it is that it 'takes the edge off' but in a very gentle way (I probably had a low dosage, but even so). I was allowed to take it 'when I needed it'. Some days I did, some days I didn't.

I do apprecitre it's addictive, but I'm not suggesting you take it 'all the time' (which is different from something like Prozac which one is either 'on' or 'off', and takes a couple of weeks to act anyway, and then you can't get off it easily - it's a kind of 'permanent change' to the mind, which I don't like, I think it's disempowering!)

By contrast, diazepam is a kind of 'glass of sherry' (or whatever) and like I say, just dulls and numbs enough for the 'pain to to stop.'

By empahsising the bereavement aspect, it takes out the whole issue of 'is SA enough for treatment' etc etc. And goodness knows you have cause enough to need some help to get through losing your mum so tragically....

Wishing you well. You are SO articulate in writing - I can't believe the description of yourself as stammering and trembling....I'm not doubting you, just saying that you really, really don't 'show' your problems (which is supposed to be a reassuring thing to tell you, rather than a 'disbelieving' one if you see what I mean.)

You mention computers - what work could you do from home, without having to socially interact with others 'in the real world'?

All the best to you - kind regards, Jenny
https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/bereavement/

Came across this in connection with something completely different.