Dad was getting very abusive last night.

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
The nursing home which Dad is in does try to avoid sedation if at all possible but he was starting to get violent and abusive last night.
I was phoned and I was asked if I could come and try to calm the situation down as a relative but all he could keep going on about was the home supposedly taking his money which is not true and he is not even paying any fees as he is on NHS funding and I have got his money at home.
What I do find a little strange is I am the one who will inherit his estate and he has not accused me of taking any money at any point.
After I had been there for an hour Dad suddenly fell to sleep so I suppose sedation was avoided but I am not sure if I did any good in the longer term.
I have put myself in the class of former carer but it looks as if I will be doing some caring even though Dad is in the nursing home.

Brian
Confused elderly people often think that strangers are stealing their money/possessions. I dont know why but its a recurring thing. It often comes up on here and my MIL, near the end was convinced that Chinese people were stealing her money Image There is no rational to it and she could not be persuaded that it wasnt true.
Hi Crocus

Thanks for your reply.
I have just come back from the care home and Dad has been making a big fuss today because he has not got a car but he can obviously not drive in his state.
If there is any way he could get better I would gladly let him have my car and if it is after September 1st when I get my new car I would let him have that car and I would get another one.
I would also give him his money back if he became capable of managing his affairs.
Sadly this is not going to happen.

Brian
Brian, you know and I know that it is ridiculous, but to them it is of great importance. You just have to go along with it and say something like "its fine dad Im getting you another car" which should hopefully satisfy him. Dont argue or try to reason with him - it just wont work.
Hi Brian, dont think we've chatted before?

When Jill was in her care home for a year, there was a lovely old boy called Terry.
He kept on to me that he will be well enough soon to drive his car again and that it was back home in the garage.
I doubt it was as his family would most likely have sold it. He was never going to be able to drive again, but nobody told him that as I'm sure it would have broken his heart.
Just let Dad live the dream and agree with him. Not easy as you feel like a liar, but they are white lies afterall.

Take care and yes, I was still a Carer when Jill was in the home. I was in there every day untill about 10:00/10:30pm. Often in the kitchen making her a cuppa or a hot water bottle. Not allowed to touch food of course.
Hi Pete

Sadly Dad had now passed away.
Dad did have an operation about 3 years before and the doctor thought there was about a 50% chance of him driving again and he would be off the road for at least 6 months.
At that point Dad was ok mental health wise and he said sell his car and we could get another if he recovered.
Sadly this never happened. He suddenly wanted a car when he was in care and with dementia this was a non starter.


Brian
Sorry for your loss x
Hi Brian,
very sorry to read this sad news. That was rather sudden wasn't it?
I hope Dads funeral goes off smoothly. If you let us know when it is, we will all be thinking of you.

Pete