giving up work

For information and discussion about benefits
Hi, Im really struggeling balancing looking after my parents daily managing with a child on the autistic spectrum ( single mum) and working, what help would I get if I was to give up work. I work 20 hours a week but takes me a hour to drive to work then on a time limit because have to be on time to collect son from school ( cant find a job nearer with the right start and finish time) drive to parents 7.15 am to check there okay and makesure dad has medication then drop son at school then straight to work, finish work at 2 straight to collect son then back to parents to make sure have shopping and there okay for the evening day in day out take parents to all hospital and docs appointments and have to do shopping etc for them, feel worn out. Sorry so long. x
Hi Michelle, welcome to the forum.
Please DON'T give up work before you've explored all the options. In short, stop trying to be Superwoman and start yelling for help!
I'll write a detailed reply later, but first, it would help to have more information.
What is wrong with mum and dad? How old are they? What other outside help are they getting? Are they claiming any disability benefits?
How old is your son? Does he attend a mainstream or special school? Are you claiming any disability benefits for him?
Have they all had a Social Services Needs Assessment?
Have you had a Social Services Carers Assessment? Did you know that Social Services are supposed to be doing everything possible to help people who want to balance work and caring?
Thank you. :D
Both mum and dad are 80, dad had a massive stroke 3 years ago that left him with speech problems ( i can understand him most of time) and he lost the ability to drive, struggles with numbers and reading now also has a collapsed lung ( specialist can't do anymore for it) and  Heart failure and his heart is very week not to mention liver disease... he only goes out when I take him as gets out of breath easily and confused. My mum had spinal surgery last year to try and help with spinal compression she now is very off balance when walking ( even using a frame/ whealler)  and needs someone ( me)  with her. My son is 13 and now goes to mainstream with support at school, he receives dla... really struggling to fit everything in. My parents won't have anyone else going in have tried that..
Thanks, that is really helpful. Have both your parents claimed Attendance Allowance?
Have they each had a Needs Assessment from Social Services?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings?
If they have under this amount and Social Services assess them as needing care, then your parents have an option to either have carers arranged for them OR they can have Direct Payments to pay someone else for their care. That can be you, or someone else.
"Mum/Dad won't have anyone else" is one of the most common problems on the forum, but you cannot be forced to care for them.
What would YOU like most? Do you want to give up work, and them to have care; or would you like to care for them, increasingly more and more until they are either so ill that there is no alternative to residential care, or they pass away?
Therefore, your decision largely depends on whether you like your work and wish to keep it?
I'm afraid that you really do need to make something clear to your parents.

It is not a question of having someone else in to look after them or you coming in to look after them.

It is a question of them having someone else to look after them or NO ONE looking after them.

You will need, I'm afraid, to 'go on strike'.

They may not mean to be selfish and thoughtless, but that is what they are being. They are 'collapsing' on you because it is easier for THEM.

Your son comes first, and if YOU 'break' then what use are you to anyone, your parents included.

Parents do often become self-focussed as they age, and they may not realise just what a 'burden' they are to you. All too often, if they say 'I don't want to become a burden!' we automatically say 'Of course yoiu're not a burden!' because we don't want them to feel bad.

But they ARE a burden, because of their health needs, and that's why they MUST accept outside help.

Go and see their GP and explain the situation, and say you are withdrawing from daily visits, and that means other care-workers must go in and do whatever it is you are doing.

No one will look after you if you don't look after yourself.

That's why you need to be clear, and firm, on this.
PS - even if you decide to give up work DO NOT become the full time carer of your parents! They STILL need to have outsider carers! That is an absolute necessity. It doesn't matter how much they object. And they will refuse outside help while you 'give in'. That's why it's up to you to say 'I can't cope on my own, you need outside carers in' and then DO NOT VISIT THEM until they have accepted outside carers daily. You MUST be firm on this!
michelle_1706 wrote:Hi, Im really struggeling balancing looking after my parents daily managing with a child on the autistic spectrum ( single mum) and working, what help would I get if I was to give up work. I work 20 hours a week but takes me a hour to drive to work then on a time limit because have to be on time to collect son from school ( cant find a job nearer with the right start and finish time) drive to parents 7.15 am to check there okay and makesure dad has medication then drop son at school then straight to work, finish work at 2 straight to collect son then back to parents to make sure have shopping and there okay for the evening day in day out take parents to all hospital and docs appointments and have to do shopping etc for them, feel worn out. Sorry so long. x
Hi Michelle,

You do sound stretched. In answer to your question, re what help you would get if you gave up work, look at the Upfront guide to caring https://www.carersuk.org/upfront/ it will help you check what financial support you would be entitled to. If it doesn't help then it will also give you info about how to contact the helpline.

Melly1
Hi and welcome to the forum. I know how it feels to be rushing from work to care and can honestly say in my case it ws a great decision to give up work- although it was a full time job.
If we leave your parents out of the equation for now and just think about your son- if you claim CA for him you can still earn £116.00 per week. You may even be able to keep your current job and off set any of the earnings above the threshold of £116 by putting double the difference into a pension fund or claiming work related allowable expenses. This has been discussed at great length elsewhere on this forum- shout if you need the link and I can search for you.
Make sure you get an SS carers assessmnet and claim anything your area provides- grants for breaks/respite/ vouchers, discounts, daytrips- whatever they can help with.
If you haven't alredy done so set up regular on line shopping orders, delivery of meds by pharmacy
Regards your parents- get their local SS to do needs assessments fo rboth and then I would say the next decision depends on whether they are above or below the threshold to be self funding. If they are below the threshold then hand completely over to SS to provide the care. If they are self funding the decision becomes far harder but you need to weigh up available time you have and capacity to help v cost of paying for outside care and preserving inheritence. Make sure you get all you can from free sitting services.
Make sure you set up on line shopping regular orders and delivery, free pharmacy deliveries and get a keybox sorted ready for carers .