Advice needed please?

For information and discussion about benefits
Hi all I'm new to this and I'm just looking for some advice
I've been diagnosed with postnatal depression and I'm struggling to leave the house or be around people would it be possible for my ex partner to become my carer to help me and our children. Im really struggling been on my own and I'm ashamed of myself for having a mental illness and I really don't know what to do. I just know the support from my ex could possibly help me get better
Yes that may be a good solution
Hello Lucy
Please please do not feel ashamed! You have nothing to feel ashamed of. PND is common. It's a hormonal chemical imbalance and not your fault.
If you are happy for your ex to be a carer for the time being, then why not? Is he happy to take on the role?
Others will be along with good advice about practicalities and finance.
You have made a very good start by acknowledging your depression.
Absolutely! PND is SO much better understood and appreciated, and it WILL pass, I promise you. My SIL (long time ago now) got hit with it completely out of the blue - she'd had a brilliant pregnancy, then a really grim labour, and then tipped right over in SUCH bad PND that the doctor told my brother bluntly that unless he arranged some kind of care for their baby, the baby would have to be taken into care as my SIL was just not coping at all.

Luckily, my bro drove his wife and baby over to his MIL who 'took over' as carer to them both.

I can't quite remember when my SIL finally 'surfaced' but she went on to have another child a few years later and no PND then at all. It really is very common, and very variable.

I think having your ex as your carer is a really good idea! It will mean that your baby has their dad to 'bond' with and be 'devoted to' (etc), while you (slowly) get your self togethter and 'surface' from the drowning water that is submerging you right now.

You WILL be OK, in time, and you WILL find joy in your child.

MANY mums may not actually have PND, but find a new baby incredibly hard to cope with (especially if they don't sleep or have medical problems like colic etc)(mine had dreadful colic - he lived on Infocol for about a year - only salvation!). Babies can, you know, be very 'boring' (or rather , spending 24x7 with them can be), and you may only 'survive' by joining lots of new-baby mother and baby groups, and so on. Babies become much more interesting after their first birthday, and start turning into toddlers!!!

Go easy on yourself - giving birth is a BIG thing, and can be very bumpy. But hang on to the thought that things WILL get better, in their own time, at their own pace.

Kindest wishes at a tough time for you, Jenny
Did I say that I have 5 children in total and I had twins 10 weeks ago. I had it bad with my last baby who is 18nonths old now. (I'm crazy I know) my eldest is 5. In 25 years old and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. He has handed his notice in at work to help me out. My main worry is if he can get any financial help as he'll no longer have a wage and if he was to move back in with me to be my full time carer (and to be there for our children) would we get help as he'll no longer have a wage. Thankyou to you lovely people. You've made me smile for the first time in a long time
A good thing to do is engage with health vistor and gp there are alot of support groups for pnd. And your doing a great thing addressing it and wanting to get better.im not sure if you have sure start in your area but they are very good for young mums and multipule birth mums can do a good lot of support for you.be great if you could get help with them.they will have advisors too that could help you with your benefit queries too or get an appointment with citzen advice were they can do a benefit entitlement for you. Hope your situation improves
FIVE??? Wow! You are the expert then, totally!

But maybe, you know, it's because you thought 'OK, I've done new-mum-hood and I can do it fine'....and then with this latest round it somehow knocked you sideways, hence the unexpected PND.

So, hope it all settles back down.

But five?? Well, only my opinion, but I think time to call it a day!!!! :) Five will keep you busy for the next twenty years and more!!! :) :) :)
Yeah I've stopped now. I've been sterilised. I adore my children and I'm always brave and happy around them but when they go to bed my world comes falling down and I'm mostly in tears. I just don't want to be on my own. I feel a let down as a mum when I should be so happy and proud. I just don't know what to do first
Of course you're not a let down! Quite frankly, with five children I wonder you're still standing!!! They must also be pretty close in ages (let alone the new twins)(how much warning did you get during the pregnancy that there were twins??!!! Also, of course, carrying twins is itself extra-stressful, not 'just' in terms of the - literaly! - extra burden, but also the extra worry as I'm sure you were warned that 'twins are dangerous' - for both the mum AND the twins themselves....).

The next five years, till the twins are at school as well, are going to be challenging, no doubt about that, but do bear in mind one of the 'upsides' of having your family so young - which is that your own underlying health is at its peak. I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum, and was unable to have a child until I was 40!

There are always pros and cons - an elderly mum (like me) will have less physical energy, BUT, one upside is that we are more 'grown up' than a young, fit mum in her early twenties. We have been around for longer, have more experience of life, more patience perhaps, etc etc. Whether that compensates enough I don't know.

You mention your ex, but do you have any family of your own (eg, mum etc) who can help both practically and emotionally? As I say, having three youngsters and THEN two newborns is a HUGE amount to be coping with, so do NOT think you should be doing 'better' than you are. Like I say, it's amazing to me that you are still standing!

PS - if you want to know what I think you should do 'first' it's SLEEP......! (But with five children I suspect you know that already - sleep when you can, whenever you can!!!!!)
Thanks for your lovely reply Jenny. My eldest Clayton is 5 Ivie is 4 in august Bentley is 18 months and the twins are 10 weeks. I'm exhausted which doesn't help neither. Yeah my pregnancy was challenging it was so scary at times. Spent 2 weeks in hospital before they got them out via csection a month early due to their growth stopping. I'm doing well considering how down I feel. My children are always dressed well and fed and happy and they're pretty good kids to be honest so I know I'm a good mum they just don't deserve to see their mum down and depressed. I try my hardest to keep it from them but sometime the tears just fall. My mum is a massive support and my ex is very helpful too and we get on really well
On the plus side I managed a 15 minute cat nap this afternoon while my youngest 3 boys were napping