Mum to come home with social services involved

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Hi. My mum had a minor stroke last Saturday, on top of a medium stroke in May 2015. Fortunately mum can speak normally, eat a normal diet, normal fluids, right side normal, the left side can move but this time cannot weight bare. The dtrs have said today that she can come home with the right care package in place. We will have a stand aide a hospital bed and care workers coming morning and evening. Social services are arranging the package and a meeting on Monday. What questions do I need to ask? Mum has decent 6 figure in instant savings and owns the house in her name, no debts against it worth about 310k. I was told initially the first few weeks free. I also asked a nurse, that if I was trained to use the standard by myself, then dispense of the carers, I was told the social would say no!
Any advice gratefully received
Thank you a worried son
Hi Nicholas,
Your mum should have rehab care/ support for the first 6 weeks she is home and this is free. The quality of this support is usually really good and is worth having.

After that, it sounds like your Mum would have to pay. She should however, as long as she has mental capacity, be able to choose who provides her care and if she chooses you and you are willing, then that's her choice to make.

Carers UK has a fact sheet re hospital discharge that is worth reading and can be found here http://www.carersuk.org/files/helpandad ... y-2016.pdf

Melly1
Thank you Melly1. Very helpful. Mum most definitely has mental capacity and gives merry hell, politely, to the staff at the hospital!
Good to hear she is asserting herself! Do you have Health and Welfare Power of attorney? This is really important, so that doctors etc can't hide behind "patient confidentiality".
Two visits a day doesn't sound enough to start with. Can she stand and pull her knickers down to go to the toilet, for example? Do NOT let them think you will do ANYTHING because that will mean they won't give mum everything she needs.
Do NOT allow discharge until an occupaional therapist has visited the home with mum to see how she can manage.
Do NOT allow her home until all the promised aids are in place. They may take MONTHS to arrive. My mum's special chair took 9 months!
Does she have an accessible bathroom, stair lift, dishwasher, tumble dryer or washer dryer? Will she manage long term, or really need a bungalow?
Hi Nicolas,

I can only repeat what everyone else has said - OT should take mum home and let her have a trial run before she goes home, and all equipment should be in place.

Again, what happens when the carers are not there? Will mum be able to get to the toilet, have a drink etc?

Be warned, it sounds as if your mum is "spirited" as indeed mine was. She will most likely not take kindly to carers and decide that you can do everything. She will tell Social Services that she can do everything herself and that she does not need outsiders etc. Stand firm, better to have too much support (as if!) than too little. Get every bit of help you can.

Good luck,
Anne
Hi, thank you for your replies. Yes I have power of attorney for mum for both health and wealth. And mum can be labelled head strong. I will be at home all the time as I took redundancy package from where i worked. I just got to see how these first weeks go, then take a view of things. I really don't want 2 carers per visit as I can assist. I'm not sure what the social services would think of that.
I update when mum been home for a while.
Thank you again
Further to Anne's warning, I would also add that it is very, very common for the elderly who don't want 'outsiders interfering' etc, can also blithely assure everyone that 'My son/daughter will do it!'.

You may find yourself 'volunteered' (actually 'commandeered'!) over and above what you may currently be thinking by way of your contribution to her care.

That you have taken redundancy may lead 'everyone' (from your mum onwards!) to 'assume' that now that you have 'nothing else to do with your life' (!!) you 'might as well do something useful'....as in, look after your mum 24x7.

Be very wary of this. Of course you may want to help your mum, but doing so 24x7, for the rest of her life, is quite a different kettle of fish.

The number one rule of caring is this: What we can do for a while, is NOT what can be sustained for years and years and years.....

Please think VERY carefully about this next stage of your life.

I made the mistake, when my MIL needed care, of moving her in with me - she loved it - it broke me (she's still alive three years on, and likely to be so for easily a couple more years)(if not longer), and so I had to 'put her in a home' which she did not like. By taking her in, I gave her a taste of 'heaven' and then plunged her into 'hell'. It would have been kinder NEVER to have taken her in to live with me, and then 'evicted' her.

That's why I urge caution now, and not making promises that you might think you can keep, and may even want to keep, but which, as time passes, become more and more difficult to do, and mean your own life goes totally on hold, possibly for years.

Compromises about what commitment you make may be the sensible and sane, and even 'kinder' thing to do now.
Hi Nicholas
I think everyone else has covered the other angles but as mum will be self funding (savings in excess of £23, 250 and house disregarded for care package at home, then yes you can dispense with care agency and social services have NOTHING to do with it at all besides advising what care they feel is appropriate. If you choose to provide that care personally that is entirely a decision for you and your mum. Social Services would only become involved if they had any safe guarding concerns.
Mum might be willing to pay you instead of the carers - or at least give you her attendance allowance which I assume she is claiming. If you have given up work and are below retirement age (not sure what age without checking) then you can also claim Carers Allowance - do this even if mum is having paid care workers because you are on duty for at least 35 hours a week just being there.
From someone whose been there and got the t shirt, however, I would urge you to start with maximum care suggested especially if it can be easily afforded , and then drop it down in stages to see how you cope with it all.
Evening. Mum coming home tomorrow. Equipment installed and ready. Meeting with the agency tomorrow after she arrives home. I printed up the link that Melly1 placed and showed the hospital. They mentioned that each area is different for the 6 week buffer? Hospital has suggested by Anne to have more care/support initially then see how it goes.
Thank you everyone for their replies