How does your partner feel about your relative?

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I guess its slightly different if its your partners parent and not yours....

To be fair, over the years, wife has been great with my Dad. Shes a nurse so she was constantly helping him. However, he never used to listen and over the years that relationship has broken down completely. Thing is I can;t blame the dear wife.

Its well documented in my posts how he always expects everyone to drop everything. So I can see how wife feels (after all she has her own issues!)

I remember speaking to her recently and it seems the straw that broke the camels back was his 80th birthday. We went out for a meal - nothing special just harvester (where he wanted to go). My family and brother and his GF. My kids wanted to buy one of those balloons in a box with 80 on.

So during the meal they excitedly opened it, the balloon popped out. He freaked, stuffed it back in the box and said he didnt want anyone else in the restaurant fussing over him. He then nastily said we were not to open that box again under any circumstances. When we got home he made me take it with me because he didnt want it.

After this, wife has never been the same with him. Can't say shes not got a point. Totally selfish. Even to this day my youngest asks why "grampy" didnt want his balloon...
There is only so much anyone can do to please a relative.
My FIL was also a difficult man. When my son was about 8 years old, terribly hyperactive, FIL asked for a particular model car for his collection, for a Christmas present. I went round all the model shops in Bournemouh, couldn't find one anywhere. In the end, we apologised for the fact that we had to give him a different present. I explained how hard I'd tried to find one. He said he knew they weren't made, he'd been round the same shops already, he just thought he'd give me something to do!!!! I tolerated him, as my husband's dad, but never went the extra mile again.
We all love my cheesecake, but he said he didn't like cheesecake so I always had to make a trifle for him instead. Then I found a recipe for Pineapple cheesecake. I put it in a different shaped tin, called it Pineapple Surprise (knowing he liked pineapple) and he enjoyed it so much that he asked for seconds!!!! Those of us in the know could hardly stop laughing.

From now on, I'd say accept that your wife has given up, and don't expect her to be involved any more. He's done this to himself.
I completely agree with BB. I think your wife is a saint, and you the same, and that's that. I dont' see why your wife should 'take any more' from your father.

Tell your kiddy gramps is 'Grumpy Gramps' and that's that. Tell them that the good thing is that it means kiddie gets to keep the Balloon in a Box - and that they dont' have to bother to give him anything else, ever....
jenny lucas wrote:
Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:17 am
I completely agree with BB. I think your wife is a saint, and you the same, and that's that. I dont' see why your wife should 'take any more' from your father.

Tell your kiddy gramps is 'Grumpy Gramps' and that's that. Tell them that the good thing is that it means kiddie gets to keep the Balloon in a Box - and that they dont' have to bother to give him anything else, ever....
Yeh hes blown it with my wife. To be honest, its the way hes treated the kids that have finally done it for her. You all probably remember the xmas day story where he monopolised my time to the detriment of the kids.

This and the birthday incident she cant forget.

Things is I really think Dad doesn't understand why he sees less of her these days..... He really just thinks he needs help so everyone has to meet his needs.
Plus side - holiday friday.

Dad is moaning already. I didnt "remind" him until this weekend just gone so as to not give him chance to think of a plan to derail. Hes also having a MAJOR flap because Im going to Florida - and two police officers got shot there last weekend.

Saying that hes off to see the orthapaedic consultant again today. Same one who told him last time his knees were shot and nothing could be done. Miracle cure expected again by Dad.

As for me, I've got an MRI today for my ongoing shoulder problem - Dad has forgotten about that and never asks. Having big problems with teenage son now too. Both beahvioural and hes been diagnosed with anxiety/ocd.

On the plus side, wifes knee is ok after her op, shes lost a lot of weight, gets out more, and her fibro is manageable.

Its all go! :-)