Dad and illness

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Ha ha - Jenny/Henrietta - you two are both stars!

Unfortunately, hes not that bad he'll know when its xmas day. Jenny - not sure I'm quite up for telling him straight just yet!
Given all that, if you are looking for a gentle get out of jail free card, I would opt for making late arrangements to have some Christmas dinner and then a week before expain a work colleague of your wife has gone off sick for the week and so you have decided to pospone festivities until you can get together on Boxing Day, explaining clearly and consistently that you have cancelled festivities on the actual day. Perhaps hold back one or two gifts to open with Dad on Boxing Day.
I sort of knew it was a timebomb waiting to explode again. First cold of the year and hes off again. Phoning GP etc. Wont be long before he starts on the ambulance again. This time I am staying out of it. I'm not even going to try to tell him not to phone the GP because they'll stop coming, neither am I going to tell him to stop phoning the ambulance for the same reason. He doesnt listen to me - his GP needs to sit down and tell him. Im just going to say Oh and Ah in the right place when he moans that GP wont come out.

This time I've not jumped - to be honest I can't - I've got too much going on with my own family. Lots of problems with teenage son, whos been diagnosed with OCD and appears to have behavioural problems. This is putting a huge strain on everyone. Wife as I'm sure I've said before has Fibro so all the stress has not helped.

Dad knows hes got problems but I haven't been over specific. (Otherwise all you get is stupid comments like "give him a clip around the ear thats all he needs"). As per usual though, its a case of "oh right thats not so good", then back to me, me me again. He certainly does think that he comes first.
It's a real shame that he doesn't realise he's continually shooting himself in the foot with his behaviour.
I'm sure if he behaved like a reasonable grandparent your wife would happily have him over, let him sit and enjoy what is going on around him.
Trouble is he's completely forgotten what "enjoy" means any more.
I so feel for you, it's really difficult.
bowlingbun wrote:
Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:01 pm
It's a real shame that he doesn't realise he's continually shooting himself in the foot with his behaviour.
I'm sure if he behaved like a reasonable grandparent your wife would happily have him over, let him sit and enjoy what is going on around him.
Trouble is he's completely forgotten what "enjoy" means any more.
I so feel for you, it's really difficult.
Yep. Friends of mine who I've discussed this with say "yes but its not fair for your wife to stop you're dad coming over, hes your dad, hes old, you'll be old one day".

But, over the years, shes put with a lot from him. And, to be perfectly honest, if I look at the ways hes been objectively, shes absolutely right. If her mother did the same I know I'd go nuts.
It's your wife's house, and she has an absolute right to say who she cooks for and entertains.
Twice in my married life I said to my husband "I know he's your ... but don't EVER invite them to our house again!" In each case it was the children who were terribly badly behaved. OH was in complete agreement.
I always said that if M knew how to behave properly at the dining table then there was no excuse for any other child!!
Tell the 'friends' that it's perfectly OK for your dad to come over and see YOU - but your wife will not be in the house at the time!
Well, I think xmas is sorted :-)

Messaged my dear brother and said since I'd had him every xmas day for last 10 years could we swap and I'll do boxing day since wife is working anyway? First thing he said, as expected, I'm on holidays. So I asked him where and had he booked it then?

Next reply, no we're going in december or january. What a surprise! So then out of the blue he says ok I'll sort something out we'll have him xmas day! So I said, OK, I'll let dad know, wanted to check with you first!

So I'm out of the firing line now. If he lets Dad down - which he may do - its his call now not mine! Fully expect Dad not to like it mind lol.

Can imagine brothers GF being not happy lol. Shes the sort who fawns over him to his face, but I know damn well behind the scenes she wont go out of her way.

So boxing day it is! Wife said she might cook us dinner etc and then offer to work boxing day late shifft now which is fine - I can understand her reasoning! She has to work sometimes over the holidays so why not work on the day she doesnt want to be there lol.
jenny lucas wrote:
Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:13 am
Tell the 'friends' that it's perfectly OK for your dad to come over and see YOU - but your wife will not be in the house at the time!
Ha ha yeh. It is amazing the attitude you get from people - "they looked after you so least you can do is look after them".

People don't know the full story. As most of you on this forum know, I will do anything for my Dad, but, as I've seen over the years, he behaves like he wants to behave and I can't deal with some of the things he does. If people have a go I always tell them the bathroom story from years ago (where he couldnt use the bath because of his knee, I sorted out a grant etc for a walk in shower, but he refused to pay a few £ towards it, ended up not washing for months. Same with stairlift now (which I think I've sorted), got to pay £200 but not keen. Pees in a cup and tips it down kitchen sink!).
Paul, great you've got Xmas Day sorted - make sure you tell your dad ASAP, so he knows that if your bro lets him down last minute, then, as you say, that's HIS fault (bro's) not YOU. You make sure you have Xmas Day booked 'for yourself' and tell dad he's coming to you Boxing Day, it's all arranged etc.

I think it's a very sensible idea for your wife to be at work BD, for the reasons you say, and after all, it gives your dad more access to YOU (and the kids will be happy playing with/on their Xmas day pressies I would assume!)(also, as I found with mine, there is little interaction online with friends on Xmas Day itself, as everyone is with their own families, but the kids come back 'online' on BD so it's more fun for them all round on the Internet).

All the best, and glad it's sorted, or, at least, now official NYP (Not Your Problem)!

Re friends - yes, the old 'walk in my shoes' recommendation.....I can remember myself, when I first started having to have my MIL come and stay with me for weeks, a friends saying 'well, she's company for you'.....and me just STARING at her!!!! (Sadly, before MIL got dementia she WAS 'company for me'.....but not with dementia alas!)