A difficult subject-End of life

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
147 posts
I would agree that Condolences isn't the right place for it, and indeed may be a 'scary' place for it as those who are dealing with End of life situations probably don't want to have to 'think ahead' to the 'inevitable conclusion'.

I also second the idea of having a 'caring for the elderly' thread (and similarly maybe for 'caring for mental illness' and 'caring for children/young adults' and 'caring for partners'???)

I can remember being a bit 'taken aback' when I first joined to discover that, 'focussed' as I was on only my elderly MIL, that there were carers here who had other care responsibilities. I found it a bit 'odd' ....and then, of course, I also found it quite 'sobering' as it put starkly into perspective just how lucky I was in comparison to only have a very elderly lady to worry about, not a child or young adult or partner.......

I also came to realise that the umbrella term 'carer' covers so, so much, and so so many of us dealing with many different situations, and that the inclusivity of Carers UK is a key, key strength.

That said, caring for each 'category' does seem to have its own specialities, and when it comes to the elderly, 'end of life' care is, inevitably, the final aspect of it all.

On the other hand, too much 'chopping up' may not be helpful - and some categories will overlap - eg, caring for a partner who has MH issues, etc etc.
Largely agree with you, Jenny. But end of life is not about age. It can happen at any time.
I think the "All about caring" section seems to fit the bill. For those who want to read more it is there to refer to and those who have no wish to delve can simply ignore it. Isn't that what we all do anyway-just pick out the bits that are relevant or that we feel we can usefully contribute to? I agree the condolences section seems to be a bit "after the horse has bolted".
As for splitting topics up, I think this would largely be unhelpful. Part of the benefiit of reading the variety of posts is so that we don't feel so alone and appreciate many people have diverse caring roles- something it is easy to miss when you have come from none caring background absorbed in your own little world. How many times do we hear newbies say they are not sure if they are a carer etc. We've all been there.
Different conditions such as mental health are already on separate threads which I think is sufficient. I think we gain more from diversity than just reading about the issue we are directly faced with.
Last time I'll say anything on this I think. I understand there are more "important" issues, such as policies etc that admin are dealing with but this isn't an individual issue, one affecting just one or two people on the forum - this is something that very many of us face. I have no wish to suggest disruption to the forum whatsoever, differing categories etc, I feel that is too much. I meant support from one carer to another at a frightening time.

Quite frankly, I'm not surprised it hasn't been followed up. I can recall the fuss made when the Condolences section was asked for with staff making it very clear ( and saying so) that they were unhappy about putting it into a section of its own, not seeing the need for it and feeling that condolences for our fellow carers should be lumped in with "announcements". No feedback regarding this topic at all, not even a "we're looking into it". As has been pointed out already, there are plenty of resources online for those willing to find them.
I give up :-|
This topic hasn't been forgotten Ladybird - and, because you all seem to think that it is in the wrong section I'm moving it to "All About Caring" and making it a sticky so that it stays at the top of the page. (If you think it would 'fit' better in another category please let me know and I'll move it again)

I have asked Kate to look at the possibility of making a new section for "difficult" subjects that don't seem to fit easily into any other category, bur what with the election and changes being made to CUK's main website recently I think she has been rather snowed under lately.
I received notification that there had been a response to this. Sue, quite frankly I don't care where it goes, I don't believe I personally said anything to the contrary. But I do feel strongly that there should be something, somewhere, for this specific topic and others of a "difficult" nature. The original post was back in 2012-I think that's enough time to consider the request. On a personal note, I don't feel it takes 5 mins to acknowledge what a good few forum members apart from myself have asked for. Even to say that it's being considered. I've said what I feel so will bow out, glad that there is now somewhere a little more permanent for the subject.

Thanks x
I'd certainly agree that there definitely should be a topic on End of life somewhere, even if it's difficult to identify the ideal spot (probably because there isn't one!). As Ladybird says, it is, sadly, a topic that affects many of us, or will - if you think about it, everyone with an elderly caree will have to deal with it, and more sadly, so will some with partners too. Worst of all, some parents may have to face it....

As for where, my only caveat to having it as a 'sticky' is that I never look at stickies!!! (But that's just me....)

I can categorically state that when my husband reached end-stage of cancer it was invaluable to me to hear and read about end stage from those who had witnessed it. It made things just a tiny bit less nightmarish. It's a personal choice, obviously, not everyone wants to know 'how the end will/may come' but for those who do, the dreadfulness of the subject shouldn't stop it being available.

Perhaps one of the hardest aspects of 'end of life care' is actually the carer getting to the stage of accepting that, yes, now the caree is going into end of life....it is something that one can be in denial about for quite some time, or, perhaps, simply not recognise (especially if the medics are being evasive about it!)
Hi Jenny

if a topic is marked as a 'sticky' it stays at the top of the page, clearly visible - if not marked it will inevitably 'slide' down the page and get 'lost' as other, newer topics appear. We try to only have a few topics stickied at any one time (otherwise they can take over !) usually these are topics of general interest or contain useful information.
I read Barrow girls last post in the thread, but found it veryclose to the bone, I could not bring myself to answer it. I felt guilty about it, but it brought back to many painful memories.
147 posts