Challenge to not be dragged down by negativity

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Mervyn the Paronoid Android eat your heart out!
Dad called me down at 11.40 last night-time to get up-nope so put him back to bed
Dad called me down again at 2.20 - time to get up-nope- back to bed. He said "you don't care I may as well be dead"
Dad called me down at 4.20 -time to get up- this time getting very irate with me for telling him it was middle of night so back to bed.
6.30 I come flying down stairs to leave for work after no sleep last night, He demanded to get up - I told him too busy - he must wait for carer coming this morning.

Told carer I don't care about him and was always flying around doing things. She told him off and that I was giving up work to spend more time looking after him. He said. "We'll see - that ll never happen will it?
Sat down with him for cup of tea that carer had just made when I got back from work. I mentioned something to him about dog. He said "Why do I need to know that - leave me alone- You know better than to talk to me when I am concentrating on eating"
Later on I tell him I need to stay awake today because he kept me awake all night. He said "No I didn't , you don't know what you are talking about- I don't have any problem with sleeping - it's you that is always calling me to keep me awake!!!!!!!"

I can feel my halo slowly slipping-----------------
Oh Henrietta, I think anyone's halo would have well and truly slipped by now.

Sending (((( hugs)))) and I really hope you get a decent sleep tonight and your Dad's frame of mind improves.

Melly1
I think you have a very wide double halo and it's definitely not slipping!!
Sleep well tonight (((HUGS)))
Sending more ((hugs)). I remember those days very well - it is enough to challenge the patience of a saint.
No advice but oh you do have my sympathy and yes so deserve that halo.. Take care of yourself Henrietta - you are doing a 5* job in horrible circumstances and I do feel for you.
Henrietta, by now my halo would have slipped...all the way to the dustbin!
Whilst dad is so self focussed and in total denial, how can you look after yourself? I'm worried about your health with all this. Can't the GP give him something to sleep better, or would that make him too liable for a fall. Such a difficult, horrible situation.
Henrietta, my heart goes out to you! Honestly, YOU are the first person I think of whenever I hear of anyone making the decision to be the carer of their parent, and so give up nearly all their own life, simply for the 'expectation' of inheriting. I know that sounds venal, but you are in a totally impossible situation - you've spent SO LONG looking after your father, and if you chuck it in now, then the house gets spent on his care....it is just SO unfair, so, so unfair.....

I'm sorry if that sounds desperately 'mercenary' but why shouldn't you at least have your inheritance to look forward to, after all you've done for your father?

I think, too, that even though we can know with our heads that it's 'just the dementia' the actual face-to-face experience of being treated as you are being treated now by your father is VERY hard to take......

I truly think it's the main reason I hate dementia so much -that it can turn people into 'monsters of selfishness'. There is NO way to 'get through to them' - they are just hidden for ever behind that ghastly armour of their own 'selfishness'......it's vile, vile, vile.

Sorry, none of that is the slightest help, but I can feel your 'rage and frustration' and it spikes an answering one in myself - and the greatest frustration is that you could yell your head off to your dad that he's a total pain in the backside towards you and utterly ungrateful, etc etc, .....and it would mean NOTHING to him. Because the person who was your father is gone.....only the 'dementia version ' is left. Awful - and so sad as well, so so

Hoping you get a better night tonight.

Kindest thoughts, Jenny
Hi BB
Please don't worry about me- despite my ranting posts I really am quite balanced about it all- sometimes just need to let off steem on here. Dad seems to save his bad nights for when I am working - I've had quite a few good nights that go by unmentioned . Dad's tablets really have been helping quite a lot so reluctant to change them at the moment. dad is still shuffling about on a good day.

Jenny- not just doing it for the inheritance. My mum's parting words over 30 years ago were for me and dad to look after each other and dad has kept his part of the bargain.

Dad has always been awkward, difficult, sarcastic, unempathetic, so I have quite a thick skin to deal with these thing-years of practice :roll:
off to pilates in a minute :D
Henrietta - I didn't mean to imply you were cynically waiting to scoop up your inheritance! So sorry if I sounded that way.

It's just that I know, from earlier exchanges, that you are 'trapped' in the sense that having committed to taking on your dad's care, in his home, that you now have to 'see it out'.....because if you 'crack' now now and 'put him in a home' (to reclaim your own 'free life') then all those years of looking after him will have been 'wasted' in the sense of them having been an 'investment' of your life, since you then risk that all your 'future inheritance' will simply go on professional care -- and you might as well have made that decision from the off, rather than taking on his care. It would end up being the 'worst of both worlds'....

Personally, I think that feeling 'trapped' is a hideous feeling - I can still remember thinking about my MIL that if she, say, refused to go into a care home, or accept professional carers in her own flat, then I'd have no option but to phone SS, and tell them there was a vulnerable 90 year old in a flat 400 miles away and 'over to them'....

Luckily it didn't come to that. But it's the 'no choice' that is so crushing.......

I'm glad things aren't always so grim with your dad - and of course 'we' are always here to vent to!!!

Hope tonight is a bit smoother.... KR as ever, Jenny
Jenny- I spent 30 years "imprisoned in various offices or commuting long distances" with 4 weeks holiday and not enough money to go away on holiday in my 4 weeks of freedom. Relatively speaking I have more freedom now than ever before :D
That's the problem with the internet, and having virtual friends. I'm actualy a positive person but coming on here and letting off steam , I must sound like a right old whinge bag.
Slept right through last night :D