I can't believe I only just found this forum today. I'm 28 and my mother has suffered from bipolar since before I was born and my 31 year old sister was diagnosed with bipolar in 2014. My mother is currently in psychiatric hospital and was sectioned 3 weeks ago. If you can bare with me while I give you a bit of backstory because I after reading so many of the posts I am finally in a place where people 'Get it'.Your stories and replies have given me the confidence to write this.
I haven't lived with my mother since the age of 5 when my older sister (I'll call her Sadie) took our mum to court and won custody over myself and my other sister, who now has bipolar (I'll call her Amy). I currently have a part time job in media communications and I also run my own business. I am in a loving relationship with my partner of three years and we are hoping to move in together in the next few months. I currently live with Sadie and Amy and I am already dreading the effect moving out of the house will have on certain family members.
Firstly, Amy has always compared herself to me. We were as close as sisters can be growing up. We did everything together and we lived together while we were both at Uni, though looking back, the symptoms of bipolar have always been there. She becomes very jealous of what she feels I have that she doesn't. In the past she has systematically tried to break up my friendships and tried to be 'me' in those friendships. When she is in a manic episode, she'll contact lots of my friends on social media and try and offer them jobs or just randomly talk about all the amazing people she is meeting like Oprah and the Pope. This is obviously part of the grandeur effect bipolar has on her. It's the exact same thing with my mum but LUCKY my mum is allergic to technology and can't use computers. With my mum, I felt like I escaped the worst bits as I was so young and Sadie is the most loving and positive person you will ever meet. I remember going to visit my mum in psychiatric hospital with Amy when I was 10 years old and we promised each other we would never end up in a place like that- 15 years later my sister was in that exact ward.
I don't know what to do because I am starting to resent my sister because no matter what, I will be there for her but I feel like I can't even be myself. She only wants to know bad stuff that happens in my life and has digs at my boyfriend who I know she will come on to when she's next high as she becomes very hyper sexual. Sadie and I constantly feel so helpless, at least we have each other and another sister who lives abroad but I already feel guilty about the thought of moving out. Sometimes I just want to cut loose but I can't because I don't want to leave Sadie to deal with everything on her own. Amy has been sectioned numerous times but the worst thing is she keeps repeating the same behaviours and ending up in the same place!!! Then myself and Sadie care for her for about a year and she goes back to kind of neutral until she starts looking for a job, making new friends- things that you would assume are good, but she always ends up trying to be perfect and getting stressed until she can't cope.
I want to know what is the point of me even trying to achieve my own goals when I will never be rid of this family. I'm here today, as I woke up this morning and googled 'I hate my bipolar sister', I'm evening starting to cry as I write that because I Iove her so much but know she will always be one of the biggest sources of grief in my life. I know it's the illness but that doesn't change the practicalities of the illness. I have found a bipolar carers group that I will be going to on Thursday. My sister does recognise she has bipolar and she has been attempting to get specialist help but there's always so many issues. We've been trying to get counselling since she was last let out of hospital and she still hasn't received any. It's been 2 YEARS!!! I wish I just had loads of money to pay for quality care but don't we all.
Also, does anyone come from a screwed up family but their partner's family are like an advert of perfection. I think I got over wanting a 'normal' family a long time ago but my boyfriend's family is from a picture book family and I know no family is normal but TRUST ME, I have never seen anything like it. He has a huge family on both sides of his family and there's no mental illness on either side. He has 12 aunties and uncles and there's not even one divorce! I feel like an alien and he tries to relate but he can't. He is very understanding and I feel like through me he is starting to understand more about mental illness.
My sister doesn't like talking about her bipolar at all, so I ask her for updates each week. It's like all she wants to do is move on as quickly as possible, when really it's all just a distraction as she is not getting to the underlying issue. She is on meds at the moment and this is the longest time in a long time that she has been stable. We'll see. Any advice would be SOOOO welcome. Thanks a bunch!
