General advice- parent not coping

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Hello everyone,

This has been a long time coming really...
My mother is in the process of her last final months with us and it's been left to my dad to be her full time carer as well as work a part time job and my brother and I are unable to do this.
She's suffering from a long term mental illness as well as liver failure and movement issues. My dad has a carer come in for 10-15 mins twice a day and has to do the general looking after him self. He's getting on abit now at the age of 64 but has been in a fit condition. He's not the type of person to seek help and he feels he can do it all himself.
Recently I've notice him get skinnier and skinnier and generally looking very run down. I wanted to know if there was any other help I can get for him- not so much for him but for my mother to ease his strain other than a carer visiting twice a day for 15 minutes? Any advice would be great.
Yet another person who has slipped through the net! You should all be getting much more help.

Google NHS Continuing Healthcare, specifically designed to support people who have very serious illness or are terminally ill, there is a "fast track" service which may apply. Claim Attendance Allowance (if over 65) via the "Fast Track" route if not claiming already.

Is there a local hospice near you, MacMillan, Marie Curie Nursing? Your GP needs a kick where it hurts for doing so little to help.
We live in a small town called exmouth in Devon I will have to check.

I'll look into the allowance thing now. In the mean time she been in and out of hospital about 6 times over the past 4 months spending at least a week sometimes two before they send her home where she obviously can't cope we have spoke to her gp several times and to be quite frank are not sure who to speak to anymore
Send a formal written request for an NHS Fast Track Continuing Healthcare Referral addressed to the Practice Manager at the hospital, posted by recorded delivery. If one of these is received by the CHC they have a duty to arrange care within 48 hours. The hospital shouldn't have discharged mum without a "package of care" being arranged. Was this done?
I've just looked on the internet, there's a hospice in Exeter and another in Honiton. Give them both a ring, explain the situation, and ask if they can help.
A package of care was arranged for the first time she'd come out of hospital and she could just about get her around with help so they installed a rail to get up the stairs to the bathroom, equipment to get on and off the toilette upstairs and to get in and out of the shower. Then the last time she come out of hospital they arranged for a hospital bed to be delievered and which is now downstairs and she cannot get around at all. Two carers come for 10-15 minutes a day which is barely enough time to wash her let alone anything else. My dad works in a pub and has to do long shifts to keep up the repayments on everything. I can't always get down to see her therefore she is left sometimes for long periods of time. We all do what we can but around our own commitments proves very difficult and more so on him
Hospices are (mostly) charities (I've never found one that wasn't!) so it isn't a question of 'qualifying' for their carers - even 'rich people' can have 'free hospice carers'. I had hospice at home care for my husband, and he was covered by his work private insurance, but the hospice carers came in 'for free' (Obviously I made a generous donation to say thankyou).

So please do get in touch with the nearby hospices, and talk to them yourself.

I agree that it's disgraceful your dad has been abandoned to soldier on. Trouble is, he would probably have to tell the GP/Hospital/SS that he now 'refuses to provide any care' for your mum, and that may force the issue to get her a DECENT amount of care.

Sadly in this life, those who shout loudest and longest and kick up the most fuss get the most attention from the powers that be. You may have to do that for your mum and dad. Yell loudly and nastily at GP/SS/ etc etc etc till yoru mum gets the care she needs, and your dad the respite he neds.

Wishing you the best at this sad time -