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When the person you cared for has died
Losing someone close to you can be devastating. If you have been caring for that person, the loss can seem even greater. How you cope with the death of the person you cared for is a very personal thing. There is no right or wrong way to feel following a death.
This section includes information about:
• Emotional support
• Registering a death
• Arranging a funeral
• Dealing with the deceased person’s affairs
• Your benefits
How you feel
Everyone’s reaction to losing someone is different. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your own grief. Listen to yourself. Do what feels comfortable and helpful for you. Do not do what other people say you ‘should’ do, unless you really want to.
There are no time limits on grief, and no set pattern of emotions and behaviours that everybody follows. Grief does not always happen straightaway. Immediately after a death there are a lot of practical things to do, like registering the death and arranging the funeral, and family and friends tend to be around a lot more. It may be that only when all the practicalities are dealt with, and the people around you get back to their everyday lives, that you really start to grieve.
‘I used to think I was going mad when I found I had bought a pack of my son’s favourite biscuits without even noticing – even though it was months after his death.’ Mary, who cared for her son with Down’s Syndrome.
‘After Dad died it was such a relief to be able to go out shopping without worrying that he would need me. I feel so guilty that I am enjoying the freedom and not having the responsibility any more’ Jean, who cared for her father after his stroke.
When the person you care for dies, as well as coping with the loss of the person you cared for, you also have to deal with the loss of your caring role. Like Jean, you may feel guilty about feeling relief, but you may also feel exhausted or alone. The death of the person you cared for may mean that the relationships you built up with the professionals involved in their care come to an end. Carers also talk about losing contact with friends and family because of the demands of their caring role. Picking up old social contacts or meeting new people may be the last thing you feel like doing when you have just lost someone.
Who can help?
The best help and support often comes from the people you know best – and who know you best. You may find that some people seem awkward around you, often because they want to do and say the ‘right thing’ but are not sure what that is. If you feel able, tell the people around you what you need from them and how they can help. Close family and friends may also be able to help you do this.
Talking about what has happened, and about the person who died, can help you to come to terms with their death, and to cope with the feelings you have. Friends and relatives who knew the deceased and can share memories of them with you, can be a great source of support.
Talking to other people who have been bereaved, and who have a better understanding of what you are going through, can also help.
To find out about local bereavement support groups or services, contact:
• Cruse Bereavement Care on 0870 167 1677 or www.cruse.org.uk
Cruse also has a helpline and website for young people, 0808 808 1677 or www.rd4u.org.uk
• Help the Hospices on 0870 903 3 903 or www.hospiceinformation.info
• Cruse Bereavement Care and Help the Hospices have produced a ‘Directory of Bereavement Services in the UK’. For more information call Help the Hospices on 0870 903 3 903 or Resource Information Service on 020 7939 0641.
You could also ask the professionals involved in the care of the deceased if they know of any local services.
If you are finding it hard to cope with the emotions you are feeling, and it is affecting your health or daily life, you could also seek more specialist help. Your GP may be able to refer you for counselling, or contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy on 0870 443 5219 or www.bacp.co.uk to find out about counsellors in your area.
You can also speak to The Samaritans, in confidence, about how you are feeling at any time on 08457 90 90 90. Your call will be charged at local rates.
Practical matters
Immediately after the death
Will there be a post mortem?
A post mortem is a medical examination of the body of the deceased. Post mortems are usually carried out when there is uncertainty about the cause of death.
Post mortems can be requested by the coroner (an independent official who inquires into unnatural death, e.g. sudden, unexpected or those related to procedures or operations) or by the hospital or close relatives. Permission of the close relatives of the deceased must be sought if the hospital wants a post mortem to be carried out but permission is not needed if the post mortem is requested by the coroner.
Post mortems usually take place within a couple of days of the death and the body is released on the day of the post mortem, so planning for the funeral should not be affected. Following the post mortem, reports are sent to the GP/consultant of the deceased and the coroner (if applicable). Relatives can also request a copy.
For more information about post mortems contact NHS Direct on 0845 46 47 (in Scotland, NHS24 on 08454 24 24 24). You can also find out more on the government's website www.direct.gov.uk/death
Organ donation
It may have been the deceased’s wish to donate their organs for transplant or medical research and, if you are aware that was the case, you need to inform the healthcare professionals involved in their care as soon as you can after the death.
For further advice or information go to www.uktransplant.org.uk (0845 60 60 400) or telephone the Human Tissue Authority on 020 7211 3400.
Registering the death
How quickly does this need to be done?
In England, Wales and Northern Ireland a death must be registered within five days. In Scotland the death must be registered within eight days.
Where do I register the death?
Deaths are registered at the local registry office. You do not have to register the death yourself. Another relative may be able to register the death as long as they take all the necessary documents – including the medical certificate you were given by the hospital, hospice or GP. Many registry offices now only see people by appointment so it is a good idea to phone the office first.
You can find details of your local registry office in the telephone directory or use the search facility at:
• www.gro.gov.uk for England and Wales
• www.gro-scotland.gov.uk for Scotland
• www.groni.gov.uk for Northern Ireland
What documents do I need to take with me?
When you register the death, the registrar will need:
• The medical certificate showing cause of death
• The deceased’s NHS medical card (if possible)
You will also need to tell the registrar:
• The date and place the deceased was born and the date and place they died
• Their full name (including any maiden name)
• Their occupation and the name and occupation of their spouse or civil partner
• Their usual address
• Whether or not the deceased received a pension or any State benefits
What do I need to get from the registrar?
The registrar will give you:
• The certificate for burial or cremation (you will normally need to give this to the funeral director)
• A certificate for social security benefits (Form BD8)
• A booklet called ‘What to do after a death’ with advice on probate and other administrative issues.
You will be able to buy copies of the Death Certificate at the time – or at a later date. It is advisable to have a few extra copies for dealing with the Will and other business.
The funeral
The funeral can be very important in helping you and friends and family of the deceased to mourn. It is an event when the person’s life can be thought of, valued, and clebrated. It is a time to think of the person who lived, and not just the difficulties of the last few weeks, months or years spent caring for them.
Arranging the funeral
When the funeral takes place may depend on factors such as religious or cultural requirements. Aside from that, the funeral or cremation does not have to happen immediately, unless that is what you want. In any case, you will not be able to finalise the date until the death has been registered. When planning the funeral, you should find out whether the deceased left any instructions about their funeral in a Will or other written document. Other than that you can choose between burial, cremation or alternative burials of various sorts and, if you choose to use one, a professional funeral director will help you make the arrangements. There is further information about these options at www.direct.gov.uk or www.ifishoulddie.co.uk
Paying for the funeral
Funeral costs can be quite high so it is worth obtaining quotes from more than one funeral director. Make sure that everything has been included (church or other venue for the service, burial or cremation fees, cars for the mourners, flowers etc.) You can ask for written quotations.
If you arrange the funeral, you will be the person responsible for ensuring the fees are paid, so it is sensible to check in advance if the deceased had money available to cover the funeral costs. You could check their paperwork to find out:
• Whether they took out a prepayment funeral plan
• Whether they had a pension scheme or insurance plan which included a lump sum for funeral costs
• Whether they belonged to a union or professional association which pays benefits when a member dies
• Whether a lump sum could be released from a national savings account (bank or building society accounts may be frozen until probate is granted but some banks or building societies may agree to release funds)
Alternatively, you or the executor (the person responsible for sorting out the deceased’s estate) may be able to pay the costs of the funeral yourself and then recover those costs from the estate.
Help with funeral costs for people with a low income
If there are no other means of paying for a funeral, you may be able to claim a Social Fund Funeral Payment from the Department for Work & Pensions. Eligibility is based on your circumstances (rather than those of the deceased) and you may be eligible if you, or your partner, are in receipt of at least one of the following benefits:
• Income Support
• Income Based Jobseekers Allowance
• Pension Credit
• Housing Benefit
• Council Tax Benefit
• Child Tax Credit (which includes an amount higher than the family element)
• Working Tax Credit (where a disability or severe disability element is included).
You can claim the Funeral Payment any time between the date of the death and up to three months after the date of the funeral. The payment you receive will cover the cost of specified necessary items and services (e.g. burial fees) and up to £700 for other funeral expenses. Be aware, though, that the payment will not necessarily cover all the costs of the funeral, so there may be an outstanding amount that you have to pay.
For further information and to download the claim form, go to www.direct.gov.uk or apply at your local Jobcentre Plus office.
After the funeral
After the death of someone close to you, there are many practical tasks that need to be carried out. The property and possessions of the deceased will need to be dealt with and your own situation may change e.g. the benefits you can claim, where you live, etc. Here are some of the commonly asked questions.
How do I sort out the property and possessions of the deceased?
When someone dies, everything they own (their money, property and possessions) is called their estate. If the person who has died has left a Will, this will indicate how they wanted their estate to be divided after their death. It will also usually name executors (the people they want to deal with the Will).
The estate cannot be used to pay bills or debts, or be divided up for gifts and inheritance, until either:
• the Will has been granted probate – this is a formality which confirms that a Will is legally in order; or
• a grant of administration has been given – this is a formality which allows the personal representative to deal with the estate when there is no Will. In Scotland, a grant of administration is called a confirmation.
This means that any bank accounts in the deceased person’s name will be frozen until the formalities have been completed. Bank accounts in joint names can be used by the other account holder.
I had power of attorney for the deceased – does this carry on?
If you had Power of Attorney for the person you cared for, because they were no longer able to deal with their own money and affairs, the Power of Attorney stops being in force as soon as the person dies. You will not be able to continue to use their bank account, or carry out any business on their behalf.
Will I have to pay Inheritance Tax?
If the person you cared for has an estate worth more than £300,000, Inheritance Tax will have to be paid on any amount above that. However, Inheritance Tax does not have to be paid if the estate goes to the deceased’s spouse or civil partner (no matter how much they inherit). For more information about how Inheritance Tax is calculated and paid, contact the Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline on 0845 3020 900.
What else do I need to do?
The following would be useful to get done as soon as you can manage it:
• Send the certificate for social security benefits (Form BD8) to the Department for Work and Pensions so that they can deal with the pension and/or benefits of the deceased
• Contact the local tax office to inform them of the death
• Contact the local authority in connection with Council Tax, any support from social services, parking permits, etc.
• Contact any relevant insurance companies, pension providers, banks and building societies
• Contact the executors of the Will if there is one or, if there is no Will, decide who will apply for letters of administration.
• If the person you cared for had any NHS equipment on loan, e.g. crutches, wheelchair or medical equipment, you will need to arrange for this to be returned. The person's GP or local health trust will be able to tell you how to do this.
What about my own finances?
The death of the person you cared for may have an effect on your own financial situation and you may need to find out which benefits you can claim:
Carer's Allowance and carer premium/carer addition
If you were receiving Carer’s Allowance when the person you cared for died, this will usually continue for eight weeks from the Sunday following their death. If you were receiving a carer premium as part of your Income Support or Pension Credit this will also continue for eight weeks.
If you were 65 or over and entitled to Invalid Care Allowance (as Carer’s Allowance was then called) on 27 October 2002, you will be entitled to Carer’s Allowance indefinitely after the person you cared for has died.
Bereavement benefits
Bereavement benefits are not means-tested, but they will be taken into account as income if you claim any means-tested benefits.
A bereavement payment is a one off lump sum, tax free payment of £2,000 paid on the death of your spouse or civil partner. It is only payable if you are under state pension age when your spouse died, unless they were not entitled to a Category A pension. There are also National Insurance Contribution conditions based on your spouse or civil partner’s contribution record, unless they died as a result of an industrial injury or disease. You should claim within 12 months of your spouse or civil partner’s death.
Bereavement Allowance is a regular taxable payment made if you were aged 45 or over when your spouse or civil partner died. It is payable for 52 weeks. The amount you are paid relates to your age when your spouse or civil partner died but it is only payable up to State Pension age and will be reduced if your spouse or civil partner’s National Insurance Contribution record was incomplete.
Widowed Parent’s Allowance (WPA) is a regular, taxable payment for men or women under pension age who have been bereaved and have dependent children (or for women if they are pregnant). If your spouse or civil partner met the National Insurance Contributions conditions the full rate is payable. If not, you receive a proportionately reduced amount of the allowance, unless they died of an industrial injury or disease.
Note: You cannot be paid Widowed Parent's Allowance and Bereavement Allowance at the same time. A Bereavement Payment can be paid in addition to Widowed Parent's Allowance or Bereavement Allowance.
To claim a bereavement benefit, ask for the appropriate claim form from any Department for Work and Pensions or Jobcentre Plus office, or you can find more information and download claim forms at www.direct.gov.uk (search for bereavement benefits).
I am over State Pension age, can I still get bereavement benefits?
Widowed Parent’s Allowance and Bereavement Allowance cannot be paid beyond State Pension age. When you reach State Pension age, and if you have not remarried or formed a civil partnership, you will be entitled to a Category B pension, if your late spouse/civil partner satisfied the National Insurance Contributions or died as a result of an industrial injury or disease. You could qualify for a Category A pension based on both your own National Insurance Contributions record and your spouse/civil partner’s record, if that would give you a higher State Pension. For further details contact The Pension Service on 0845 60 60 265 or go to www.thepensionservice.gov.uk
For information on other benefits you could claim when your caring role has ended, contact CarersLine on 0808 808 7777.
The person I was caring for was a council tenant and I had been living in the property with him. Does this mean I will be evicted now he has died?
If you are the husband, wife or civil partner of the person you cared for, the tenancy will usually pass to you, giving you the right to stay in the property. Partners or other family members of the tenant who have lived in the property for at least 12 months will usually have the right to take over the tenancy and remain in the property. However, if the council considers the accommodation unsuitable for you to live in (e.g. it is too big for your needs or has been adapted for a disabled person), they may ask you to move to another property.
If you and the person you cared for were joint tenants, you will have the right to take over the tenancy yourself. Be aware that if you take over the tenancy completely, you could also inherit and have to pay back any rent arrears that have built up for the property.
If you are not the spouse, partner, civil partner or a family member of the deceased, and have not signed a joint tenancy or lived in the property long enough, you may still be able to take over the tenancy – check with the local council.
Housing law is not the same throughout the UK. Different rules apply in England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland so it is important to seek local advice about your housing situation.
My mother owned her house outright. I have been living with her and caring for her for the last few years, but the house has been left to me and my siblings – can they insist I move out?
If the property you live in is owned jointly by you and your siblings, and they are happy for you to carry on living there, there is no reason for you to move out. However, if your siblings wish to sell the property, you do not have the right to stay based on having cared for your mother, so it will be up to you to negotiate deferring the sale to allow you to continue living there.
If you are at risk of being homeless because of the sale of the property you have been living in, seek advice as soon as possible. If you need advice about your housing situation, call Shelter on 0808 800 4444.
